Bunny Ears are the Best Ears

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Because I am a Lazy Bitch...

Okay, so here's the deal.
I haven't made a post in at LEAST two weeks, and I'm really really sorry.

Not like any of you really care if I make a post today, tomorrow, or next month, but whatever. I should be more responsible and quit being lazy and write my stuff. I just should.

I have nothing to talk about tonight, so here's the deal. I'm just here to let you know that I am still alive and haven't forgotten about my little blip of the inter-webs.

*I finally got my Eden Fantasy's assignment toy last week, and am currently working on the review for it. It's my first authorized free-toy review, so I want it to be awesome. I'll let you know when that's up and give you a different spin on it.

*I haven't read any good sex books lately, mostly because I'm just sort of sexed out. I still love to talk about it, give advice, and learn about it, but reading about it takes too much damned effort.
I'm currently reading the fourth book in the fictional series Kushiel's Legacy, which is a series with a lot of sex in it (and its just plain fucking awesome), but no new memoirs or instructional books at the moment. Money's hopefully going to be better this semester, so maybe that'll change soon enough. A book on sensual massage would be good. Right?

*I haven't had a Position up in for-fucking-ever, so I'll try to get one up within the next two weeks. Summer's just been really really weird and busy and miserable, but maybe the fall will bring back a little bit of my libido.

*Did I ever mention that I think I figured out my orgasm problem? Well, I think I did. It's a little bit of a biological, physical mishap, and I'm hoping a good GYN will help me fix it. More on that another time.

*I'm currently looking for Guest Bloggers for Sin's Secret. With how busy I'm going to be this semester, I'd love to have a couple guests put in some input. Whether it's my wonderful fellow bloggers that I love so much, or just a reader who has something he/she feels should be included. It could be a full article or whatever you'd like. Just email me (sinsekret@gmail.com) and let me know if you're interested. We can work something out.

I think that's all for now, really. Should have the Toy Review up on Wednesday, and have more news and interesting stuff up by the weekend.

<3
Sin

"Anal Ultimatum" Advice Piece

I've been married for just over a month and my husband told me yesterday he doesn't want to have sex with me. We've struggled in the past with getting on the same page sexually, but had been doing well (I thought) thanks to a very romantic honeymoon until about a week ago. We didn't have sex all this week, any time I tried to initiate it he said he had to do something or was tired and just wanted to snuggle, etc. Yesterday he finally told me he has no desire to have sex with me right now. Basically, he's bored with me and has said that anal sex is a deal breaker in our marriage. We have tried anal on many occasions and maybe once or twice it has felt bearable- not GOOD, just not painful to the point where I could tolerate it. I love him and want to make him happy, but me "tolerating" it isn't good enough for him. He wants me to enjoy it and ask for it.
Since we started dating, my husband has tried to encourage me to be more sexually adventurous. I have tried many things that were once outside my comfort zone...some I like, but some I haven't learned to. He was previously married (his wife passed away) and I know they were much more compatible sexually than he and I are, though he says the two of us are more compatible in many other ways. I know he and previous wife went to sex clubs and he wants me to go to one as well...but I'm not comfortable being naked in public or the possibility of having threesome or sex with strangers. I appreciate the fantasy of the idea, but in reality I think it would lead to jealousy and confusion in our realtionship. Despite this, I've suggested that he seek anal sex with another partner because I really want him to be satisfied and have his needs met but he always says he wants to have it with me.
He was aware of all my reservations before we got married, before we got engaged and before we even got serious. His lack of desire and frustration with me makes me feel undesirable and makes me less interested in sex. I also feel like I'll never live up to his previous wife and that he'll always long for the sex life that they shared.
Please cheer me up! I can't talk to any of my friends because I don't want them to know we're having trouble.
~Sad Newlywed

Hey there.

This might sound a little harsh, but it sounds to me like marriage might not have been a great idea for you two. It's not just the sex incompatibility, but more his blatant disrespect for your wants, needs, and likes/dislikes.

I can understand you not wanting to have anal. Its strange, uncomfortable, sometimes painful, and typically only pleasurable for women if it's what they're into. Obviously it's not your thing. He should understand that and respect it and not continue to try to get you to do it.

The fact that him and his wife were compatible and sexually adventurous is great, but he should NOT hold you to the same standards, especially if he knew your opinions before hand.
"W" and I have talked about having a threesome with another woman (because i want to) but he's really uncomfortable with the idea. And while I will probably continue to bring it up for a while, once he makes a decision that he doesn't want to do it than that's it; we just wont do it.
If you're not comfortable with it than you shouldn't be pressured into doing it.

A person who loves, cares for, and respects you will NOT push you into doing something once you've said I'm Not Comfortable or I Don't Like It or I Don't Want To, and that's that.

I will always encourage people to branch out and try new things in their sex lives. But you have to start small, you have to go slow, and everyone has their limits. He's expecting you to do things with him that it probably took time and communication with his old wife to jump into and get used to, without you having the same adjust time as him.

My only real usable advice it to try to get through with him. Tell him what this denial and pressure makes you feel. If he doesn't acknowledge it, let off, or apologize sincerely, you know there's something wrong with the whole thing.

It would really suck to separate after being married for such a short time, but from the way your story sounds it seems like one day that might happen either way. Not because he doesn't want to have sex with you, but because of his disrespect for your wants and the way you're feeling about it. If this is starting so soon, and you're already being hurt (emotionally) by his actions and feeling sexually and emotionally frustrated, imagine what it'll be like in another year or two or five.

The best thing to try here is communication. Be open, honest, and determined!
He has to know that this is important to you and you will not let up (and make sure not to). You don't want to only do anal (if at all), you're not ready for sex clubs or swinging, and you need sexual satisfaction just as much as he does.

It may not seem like it now and then, but these are important stands that you have to make. If he won't back down off his high horse, it might mean you should start thinking about more drastic measures.

Good luck.
Be strong.
Stay safe.
<3
Sin