Occasional Zen

I wonder, sometimes, what life would be like without sex.
Would conflicts only be fought over gods, land, and money? Satisfaction only gained through religious rituals, bungee jumping, and video games? Reproduction fulfilled by some dull, solitary act of asexual mitosis? Would food not taste as good, lacking that inherently sensual, bodily response that accompanies every luscious bite of silky, hot soups and sweet red strawberries?

What about love?
Could love not exist without the heart-throbbing drive of passion and desire?
Tightly held hands and shy pecks on the cheek are only significant in their little steps towards a much greater, longer journey into the unknown.
To me love and sex go hand in hand. Love is not necessary for sex, but it makes it so much better. And while love can often just muddle things up in sex, more often it stokes the flames of desire, and makes it all the more worth-while.

Our lives are driven by so many different kinds of passion. Would those other flames be squelched if our bodies didn't know the thrills of sexual passion?

Or would they burn brighter, without the distractions of carnal pleasures.

"...from what I've tasted of desire, I hold with those who favor fire." ~Robert Frost

Have fun, play safe.
~Sin Secret

Sex in The News:: Revisited

I don't read or watch the news very often, but I like to skim through the sex-related articles every not and then to see whats up.

Of course, the news typically sucks...with all those silly anti-sex people running around. Which introduces our first story...

New Rule Hurts Women:

"Bush's Last Word; Imposition sets back reproductive rights"

So, it seems Bush finally decided to make morals part of science. Fucker. This new..."imposition" basically says that any doctor, nurse, or medical worker can refuse to do just about anything when it comes to reproductive health. In any federally funded health center/hospital, any worker has the right to refuse to participate in any (sexual health related) act or distribution of information without any punishments or reciprocation.

Don't "believe" in the morning after pill? You don't have to give it to your crying patient (even if she's a rape victim!). You don't even have to tell her it exists. If she asks for it, you can just say no, because it's what you "believe in".
Then, when that patient gets pregnant because you denied her basic information, you can refuse to give her an abortion (because it's what you "believe in"), forcing her to find help elsewhere.

Think contraception, condoms, and birth control pills encourage promiscuity? You don't have to prescribe a single box, bottle, or pack, even if they're requested by your patient.

For those of you reading who don't care so much about contraceptive rights, well, how about HIV/AIDS?
The list of "potentially objectionable" procedures could even include treatments for, and information about, HIV/AIDS.
And I'm sure there are lots of homophobes and anti-sex assholes that would love to deny those dying their treatment. Because, as we all know, AIDS only happens to "the gays", and they're on their way to hell anyways. *insert rolly-eyed face here*

It's going to take Obama for-fricking-ever to fix this crap. Let's hope he really takes the time to do it.

Saudi women's group assails judge over 8-year-old's marriage

This one's interesting. And sad.
An 8-yr-old in Saudi Arabia was given to her father's friend as a wife, essentially, as payment to settle debts. Women's Rights activists fought to get the marriage annulled, but the judge ruled (partially) in favor of the father.
The ruling forbids the husband from consemating the marriage until the girl reaches puberty, at which time the girl will be allowed to appeal for divorce.
As if the husband actually would keep his hands off his little prize for the next five or more years. Oh wait, maybe that's really 2 or 3 years? When's puberty in Saudi Arabia?

At least the judge did something a little positive, but its doubtful the ruling will do a damned thing to really help the girl. Poor thing.

But this shit happens all the time, and at least someone's fighting for the girl, even if they didn't get it quite this time. There's more on this story here, and here.

Huzzah For..Tissues?

I'm working on a couple of decent posts, and I'm sorry they aren't up yet, but I just HAD to show off my newest reviews about my new products from EF!!!

I was so excited to get them, and I was so happy when they came in, and I adore them. Click the links to see the products and my reviews ^-^

The first is a new Rabbit vibrator. I'm not usually big on Rabbit vibes, but I definitely love this one. The shaft doesn't twist like most do, it actually pulses upwards in waves. Plus it's cordless and really strong.
I love it. My Review is HERE.

The other, which I adore!, is called a ToiTissue. I was so confused when I first got the assignment, but when it came in I was thrilled! It's a storage container conveniently hidden inside a tissue box. ^-^
I've been wanting a storage container ever since I started my toy collection, and while this doesn't solve my storage problems, it is awesome anyway. It's so unique.

Plus, I think I did an awesome job with the review. W giggled a few times when reading it. ^-^
So, HERE's the review for the ToiTissue box.

Come back soon!
<3
Sin

What Your Heart Tells You to Do?

Because this needs to be seen.





Thank you to Sugarbutch for posting it, and giving me the chance to see such a passionate, wonderful speech.


All you need is love.
<3
Sin

My First Lesson :: by Kay

Dear reader, I'd like to mention that this piece is not edited very much at all. It's been edited and shortened just a bit, but I decided not to edit much of this part because of how much information and terminology it contains. I think this is a greatly erotic and educational part, so I decided it would be better to leave it whole, offering you as much as possible. It is a good post though, so please do enjoy.

~Sin

My First Lesson

Part Two of the Submission by Kay series.

My first lesson started rather unexpectedly. After we’d discussed various manners of items on the shelves and he tested my reaction to various levels of whips and sharp implements, he decided it was time to show me the positions.

There are six basic positions that all reputable dominants use. They are all numbered and named, but I am going to be completely honest and say that the only one that I remember right now is the first position, the submissive position. I remember the names of all the others and how to do them, but I won’t know if he gives me a numbered command and that honestly scares the hell out of me.

What I do know is that the first position is on your knees, bottom seated on your feet, head turned down so that you are looking at your Master/Mistresses knees if they are standing right in front of you. Dominants vary as to where they want the hands positioned. Some say hands clasped behind the back. My Master believes this to be a position that is far too relaxed so he has me clasp my hands behind my neck. Oh and I almost forgot, my knees have to be separated, spread slightly to keep my crotch open- a vulnerability thing I believe. And of course, my posture has to be perfect; neat and erect.

The other positions, in no particular order (as I have said I do not remember the order) are present your breasts, present your crotch, present your ass, present your mouth, and present your back.

Present your breasts is a fun one. I kind of rather like that one. You get down as if you were going into submissive position, except knees are clamped together, feet are crossed at the ankles and your bottom is not resting on your feet. You stick your chest out as far as you can, placing your breasts on display for your Master/Mistresses review and of course for various activities and possible nipple clamping. For this one he has me keep my hands on my neck…I think…Oh shit.

Present your crotch is not one I am particularly fond of, nor is it one that I remember very well. So as soon as I relearn it, I will explain what it is and I will probably tell you the punishment that I end up receiving for not remembering my lessons.

Present your ass is when you get down on your knees. Clasp your fingers together and lay your palms on the floor. Rest your head on your hands so that you are unable to see your Master/Mistress unless they walk within your limited area of peripheral vision and stick your ass out as far into the air as you can. I don’t really like my ass so this position may not end up very high on my list of favorite things to do during lessons.

Present your mouth is another one I don’t remember. Shit. Shit. Shit. I believe I need to research on the internet. What I do know is that you open your mouth as wide as you can…vertically, never horizontally, to show off what a pretty mouth you have and to allow your Dominant to place a gag in your mouth. I do know that it requires the same hand position as present your ass…at least I think it does. Ok well I know you have to keep your eyes shut.

Present your back is very similar to present your ass. Hands clasped, head on hands. Your knees, however, are pressed all the way up so that they touch your hands and your back is arched as nicely in the air as you are able to get it. As I have scoliosis, I do not believe my Master will be using this position very often. Actually that’s a bit of a shame, as I love things being done to my back and I know that would be a good receiving position.

Then came wax play. He told me to stand and remove my shirt and my bra. I was hesitant, but I did as I was told, learning a new lesson in the process: Always take care of your clothes. I was to fold them neatly and hand them to him. Oh and of course my eyes were downcast. You are not to look at your Master unless you have permission and trust me, that is very rare permission to receive.

He cuffed my ankles and wrists to the table. He also allowed me to wear a heavy collar, a cool, large, metal ring clamped tightly around my neck. (And you must always thank your Master when they collar you. It is a very high privilege.)

We moved up three more levels I believe. I actually kind of lost count after a while. Subspace is intense. (Subspace is the area of your head you go into to be able to deal with that kind of pain and take it as pleasure. You lose yourself in your mind, concentrating not on what happened, or on what will happen, but what is happening at that exact moment, nothing more.) So each layer burned worse, even though there was already a nice coat of wax on my back by the time he got to the hottest. Mind you, the ‘beginner’ candle came after two of his own and it still burned. But he was proud of me for making it to that level and he allowed me to move up one more step. Which is where I finally said the ‘safe word.’

(For those of you who don’t know, it is absolutely necessary to have a ‘safe word’ in a relationship of this nature so that if your pain threshold is pushed too far, you can call things to a stop before it reaches a dangerous level. Never use the word ‘stop’, as it is a word people will naturally say when in pain and do not always mean. ‘Red’ is usually used to mean that the pain has become too much and you want that level to stop, but you do not want the activity to cease altogether.)

He clutched me and said “You are safe.” At this point, mind you, I was panting slightly and I had to calm down a bit because the pain had reached that slightly unbearable level.

He knew I liked knife play and he was planning to remove the wax with a knife, but as I had said the ‘safe word’ he asked if I still wanted him to. Of course I did. It felt amazing, feeling the cool blade on my back after the heat of the wax. I wanted to shiver, but at the same time I was just so…warm.

We fell into a silence as he worked, his hands working in tandem with the blade to ease the wax off my back. In all honesty, it felt like I’d just gotten a massage, the heat having eased all the tension from my body. Not to mention the fact that I felt like I was in this Zen-like mode, all thoughts gone, barely hearing the dull hum of the water heater nearby.

When he finished with the knife, he ran a scrubber over my back. It felt like sandpaper across my sensitive back but it felt so good, in a way I couldn’t even begin to explain. Who knew something that felt like sandpaper could cause my body to ache with a certain hunger.

Wow, thinking on it, I know he did a few more things, but I really cannot remember the order he went in. I do know that he ran a wheeled, jagged blade over my back and it felt like a constant knife over my skin, sharp against the sensitive heat he had already created. (Mind you, he had run that blade across my skin before in the introductory phase, and it felt no worse than a cat scratch. It was amazing how much it was intensified by the heat.) He also blew across my back, causing the hairs on the back of my neck to rise, my body wishing to arch against the bondage as I whimpered softly. I remember my eye lids fluttering shut, the feel like a cool breeze after an excruciatingly hot day.

And then he whipped me with his middle intensity whip. Ten strokes and I had to count them out loud and thank him after each one. I winced as the leather hit my back, realizing that I did wish to thank him for being so kind to me, for allowing me to feel the things I wanted to feel and some things I didn’t even know I wanted to feel until he fulfilled the silent requests for me.

I’ve never felt so vulnerable in my life. And yet I’ve never felt so safe.

When we finished, we had Cool Down time, a necessary part of any good Dom/Sub relationship. It is a time to bring the submissive back from subspace, to ease their mind back into the world, out of their heads, their place of such intense vulnerability.

He wrapped me in a blanket and led me upstairs. At this point, my friend joined us again and we all cuddled on the couch, my friend wrapped tightly around me, purring in my ear, nuzzling against my side, both of them making sure I felt safe. Just safe. And eventually my mind did ease back into the real world, to coherent thoughts and time slipped by so quickly. I’d been in subspace for nearly two hours and Cool Down time was about that long, but each felt like nothing more than ten minutes. Which makes me wonder what time really is.

Continued next week with The Second Session...

Don't forget to check out Kay's full blog: A Life Beneath.

Related Posts: Beginning a Journey, Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones but Whips and Chains Excite Me

Beginning a Journey :: by Kay

**Editor's Note:: I think it's important to mention that Kay has not always been in the "BDSM" culture or lifestyle. While we have often discussed and debated about the sexual elements since we met, it is something she has sort of fallen into. Every person interested in BDSM has started, lived, and continued or stopped participated in their activities for different reasons. Sometimes it's an innate longing, sometimes curiosity, force, etc. There is no right way, there are no (or very few) wrong ways, and as Bell said so wonderfully, everyone is unique and beautiful and they're meant to be that way.

Anyway. Here is post #1, and from now on I'll post one from her every Sunday afternoon. Enjoy! <3>

Intro, Of Sorts
by Kay
Part One of the Submission by Kay series.

Here is what I know:

For the longest time I was a cutter. In a very loose sense of the word. I never broke the skin. There was just something about dragging the sharp edge of something along my bare flesh that filled a part of me. My physical pain, I found, had the ability to match my emotional pain. I had concrete evidence that I was, indeed, hurting. But it was evidence only for myself. I had scratches on my body, sure, but they were in places that I could easily cover with clothing. No one else could know. Unless I wanted them to. And a part of me wanted them to make the effort to discover those scratches, but no one ever did. So my outlet was temporary because after a while, the fact that no one ever noticed began to cause me more pain.

I began to tell people. And then I realized that I was having to defend my status as a “cutter.” I didn’t break skin. My injuries meant nothing. While self-inflicted, they meant nothing compared to the many people who drew blood. Who made scars. I was never one for blood.

But I kept doing it, kept dragging sharp edges across the skin, my tears stopping as I felt a jagged edge dragged across my thigh.

And then one day it just went too far. I won’t get into the details because I’m sure you’d rather not know them. Personally, I’d rather not know them but it’s something I’m forced to live with.

At any rate, I tried rather unsuccessfully to slit my wrist with a razor but I chickened out when the skin broke. It stung too much. So instead I downed a bottle of pills, then ran down the hall to get help.

And suddenly people cared. People wanted to know why.

And that was when I stopped knowing why.

I went to a therapist. And even now, almost two years later, I’m still seeing the same woman. And I’ve still barely scratched the surface of my problems. Pun intended.

A few weeks ago I moved in to my new place.

I had a huge fight with my parents the day I was slated to move out and it ended with me in tears, practically hyperventilating as I sped down the road, my car loaded with all manner of boxes.

My roommate invited her friend over that night. We started talking about sex, as my friends and I are very open about our sex lives and our preferences in the bedroom (in fact, the few that know about this endeavor of mine are very supportive of it!).

I don’t know how the subject came up, I mean specifically…I know how it eventually came up, knowing my friends the way I do. At any rate, I mentioned at some point that I enjoy knife play. Which, at that point in time was a lie. Not a complete lie. I rather did like the idea of knife play. I’d just never…played…before.

Let’s just say the night got better as the guy pulled his knife out and began to drag it across my skin. I’d never felt anything like it. I mean…I had, obviously as I’d formerly done stuff like it to myself…but it was something completely new now. It felt different to have someone else in control of the blade, to control how long it dragged or where it dragged. And I found it highly, highly erotic.

He dragged it over my nipples, over my stomach, my neck, pressing the cool blade into my skin, leaving beautiful pink scratch marks in its wake, marks that I would begin to feel alarmingly proud of.

He tied my wrists together and I found myself unable to clutch anything, barely able to writhe comfortably as he continued to drag that blade. And it was even more erotic. My body felt hot, the space between my legs aching terribly. Pain had become pleasure.

He came back a couple days later, his manner more forceful, pressing me against walls, slamming my face into the bed, tugging my hair. But the more he did, the more I began to enjoy myself. It was intense. It was insane. And it felt so wrong that it began to feel so right. He gave me more scratch marks and this time, I found them accompanied by nice blue bruises, some of those bruises still visible even now.

I was hooked.

Days later, my roommate took me to a friend’s house. She’d told me a lot about him and his girlfriend and the lifestyle they have. His girlfriend and my roommate are like sisters and she gladly showed me their “dungeon,” a basement with a large table at one end and all manner of suspension gear along the other, not to mention an entire wall lined with shelves covered in any manner of toys and devices necessary for their lifestyle.

Later that night, I got into a discussion with her boyfriend and I found myself practically drooling at the thought of working with them. I asked if he would train me and he readily agreed to, offering to go ahead and take me down to the basement for further discussion, including in depth descriptions of the toys and implements.

Later, there was more.

To be continued...(next Sunday)...

**This is an edited version of Kay's first post on her new blog, A Life Beneath. For the full version (not much is cut out, but there are more posts) you're welcome to visit her blog.

Or just stop by here next Sunday for her next post, "My First Lesson".**

clone it

"Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones But Whips and Chains Excite Me"

A Quick Introduction to the World of BDSM

Book of the Day: You Know You Love It : Lessons in Sexual Mischief :: by Ilona Paris

Movie of the Day: Secretary :: Starring Maggie Gyllenhal and James Spader


The world of Sex and Sexuality is a vast and incomprehensibly interesting universe.
Likes, dislikes, fantasies, cultures, subcultures, fetishes, sexual orientations, and preferences, as well as the lack-there-of of all of the above and so so much more, make it one of the most eclectic topics in modern (and historical) culture.

It's not particularly often that I bring up subjects of fetishes, fantasies, or subcultures of sex. They tend to be complicated and take quite a bit of work to explain. But today, I'm taking a stab (haha) at one of my favorite fetishes/subcultures: BDSM.

For starters, BDSM stands for several things, depending on who you're asking. Respectively, it stands for some variation of Bondage and Discipline/Domination and Submission/Sadism and Masochism.

So lets break down the very very basic basics of what these each stand for.
Bondage: Being tied up. That's the down and dirty basic. Bondage as in Bonds. Being tied up, cuffed, roped, whatever.
Discipline: Being spanked. This is ...well...being disciplined.
Domination: Being on top. This is essentially dominating your partner in one way or another, whoever that may be.
Submission: Being on bottom. This is typically submitting to your partner. Enduring pain, bondage, humiliation, and all sorts of strange offenses that normally be horrid.
Sadism: Slapping and enjoying it. Based on the legendary Marquis De Sade, this is gaining pleasure from giving pain (whether that be physical of mental).
Masochism: Being slapped and enjoying it. The opposite of sadism, masochism is gaining pleasure from receiving pain.

Now, these things get a lot more complicated, and are defined and carried out in a million different ways by a million different people. Yes, I said a million. Its really millions. These pleasures are far more common than you think.
Think about it. What turns you on? Nibbling on each others lips? Nails down your back? Little extra roughness during sex?
These little things are little degrees of bondage, masochism, and domination.
There are, of course, many people who those things aren't enough for.

I've always had a quaint fascination with the BDSM world. My particular niche is the idea of being owned. Tied up, collared, punished, and, most of all, taken care of.

I recently bought a pair of fur lined leather wrist cuffs (not hand cuffs; I can't stand fuzzy handcuffs), and I adore them. Coal (my bf, W, in case I haven't mentioned the name change yet) puts them on me every morning, and takes them off every night. I'm only allowed to take them off for work and modeling (and cleaning or showering). It took a while for him to grasp what it was I wanted with all of this, but little by little he's understanding my want (and need) to be taken care of, almost as if I were a pet.

I'm sure it seems odd, but to me, seeing him put on the cuffs makes me feel owned in a way that lets me feel protected, wanted, and loved. Once in a while he bathes me, or dresses me, or other simple tasks, and when he asks me to do something, I do it (9 times out of 10 anyway...).
It isn't like I can't take care of myself (hell, he can barely take care of himself, I'm better at it), it's just this sweet, sensual feeling I get from being taken care of. And occasionally from small levels of inflicted pain.

This is a very simple, very basic form of a Dominance/Submission relationship. I'd like it to grow into more in the future, but right now we're taking little steps.

But there are so many higher, more complicated, more dangerous levels of BDSM. From knife play and hot wax to flogging and whipping, to suspension and chains, to asphyxiation, humiliation, and nipple clamps, to so so so much more. There are so many fetishes, subcultures, and ways to "play" that you'd be hard put to actually name most of them.

In the future I hope to eventually talk more about the culture and subcultures of BDSM, but for now I just wanted to give you this basic introduction, and introduce my new (and first) Guest Writer.

My friend Kay just started taking "classes" in Submission. She just started, but so far her experiences have been interesting, and her appreciation seems genuine. She recently started a Blog to journal her thoughts, sessions, and overall journey in this little area of the sexual world, so I invited her to post some of her writings here in Sin's Secret as a sort of weekly guest entry.

My hope is that this will do several things. One, is give Sin's Secret some more varied content, which I think is important, and a new, outside voice. Two, is give an inside view into something that most people aren't familiar with, so that maybe some of you readers might find something new to learn, create an understanding of, and maybe even try out some time ;-). Three, is to add a bit of spice in here. I know that now and then my posts can be pretty dull, and occasionally talk about some dull topics. This Guest Writer would mean that there'd be something strange, new, and interesting every week or so for readers to follow and enjoy.

So, the next post up will be Kay's initial introduction piece, to start her off.

Until next time!
<3
Sin

Bunny Ears are the Best Ears

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Because I am a Lazy Bitch...

Okay, so here's the deal.
I haven't made a post in at LEAST two weeks, and I'm really really sorry.

Not like any of you really care if I make a post today, tomorrow, or next month, but whatever. I should be more responsible and quit being lazy and write my stuff. I just should.

I have nothing to talk about tonight, so here's the deal. I'm just here to let you know that I am still alive and haven't forgotten about my little blip of the inter-webs.

*I finally got my Eden Fantasy's assignment toy last week, and am currently working on the review for it. It's my first authorized free-toy review, so I want it to be awesome. I'll let you know when that's up and give you a different spin on it.

*I haven't read any good sex books lately, mostly because I'm just sort of sexed out. I still love to talk about it, give advice, and learn about it, but reading about it takes too much damned effort.
I'm currently reading the fourth book in the fictional series Kushiel's Legacy, which is a series with a lot of sex in it (and its just plain fucking awesome), but no new memoirs or instructional books at the moment. Money's hopefully going to be better this semester, so maybe that'll change soon enough. A book on sensual massage would be good. Right?

*I haven't had a Position up in for-fucking-ever, so I'll try to get one up within the next two weeks. Summer's just been really really weird and busy and miserable, but maybe the fall will bring back a little bit of my libido.

*Did I ever mention that I think I figured out my orgasm problem? Well, I think I did. It's a little bit of a biological, physical mishap, and I'm hoping a good GYN will help me fix it. More on that another time.

*I'm currently looking for Guest Bloggers for Sin's Secret. With how busy I'm going to be this semester, I'd love to have a couple guests put in some input. Whether it's my wonderful fellow bloggers that I love so much, or just a reader who has something he/she feels should be included. It could be a full article or whatever you'd like. Just email me (sinsekret@gmail.com) and let me know if you're interested. We can work something out.

I think that's all for now, really. Should have the Toy Review up on Wednesday, and have more news and interesting stuff up by the weekend.

<3
Sin

"Anal Ultimatum" Advice Piece

I've been married for just over a month and my husband told me yesterday he doesn't want to have sex with me. We've struggled in the past with getting on the same page sexually, but had been doing well (I thought) thanks to a very romantic honeymoon until about a week ago. We didn't have sex all this week, any time I tried to initiate it he said he had to do something or was tired and just wanted to snuggle, etc. Yesterday he finally told me he has no desire to have sex with me right now. Basically, he's bored with me and has said that anal sex is a deal breaker in our marriage. We have tried anal on many occasions and maybe once or twice it has felt bearable- not GOOD, just not painful to the point where I could tolerate it. I love him and want to make him happy, but me "tolerating" it isn't good enough for him. He wants me to enjoy it and ask for it.
Since we started dating, my husband has tried to encourage me to be more sexually adventurous. I have tried many things that were once outside my comfort zone...some I like, but some I haven't learned to. He was previously married (his wife passed away) and I know they were much more compatible sexually than he and I are, though he says the two of us are more compatible in many other ways. I know he and previous wife went to sex clubs and he wants me to go to one as well...but I'm not comfortable being naked in public or the possibility of having threesome or sex with strangers. I appreciate the fantasy of the idea, but in reality I think it would lead to jealousy and confusion in our realtionship. Despite this, I've suggested that he seek anal sex with another partner because I really want him to be satisfied and have his needs met but he always says he wants to have it with me.
He was aware of all my reservations before we got married, before we got engaged and before we even got serious. His lack of desire and frustration with me makes me feel undesirable and makes me less interested in sex. I also feel like I'll never live up to his previous wife and that he'll always long for the sex life that they shared.
Please cheer me up! I can't talk to any of my friends because I don't want them to know we're having trouble.
~Sad Newlywed

Hey there.

This might sound a little harsh, but it sounds to me like marriage might not have been a great idea for you two. It's not just the sex incompatibility, but more his blatant disrespect for your wants, needs, and likes/dislikes.

I can understand you not wanting to have anal. Its strange, uncomfortable, sometimes painful, and typically only pleasurable for women if it's what they're into. Obviously it's not your thing. He should understand that and respect it and not continue to try to get you to do it.

The fact that him and his wife were compatible and sexually adventurous is great, but he should NOT hold you to the same standards, especially if he knew your opinions before hand.
"W" and I have talked about having a threesome with another woman (because i want to) but he's really uncomfortable with the idea. And while I will probably continue to bring it up for a while, once he makes a decision that he doesn't want to do it than that's it; we just wont do it.
If you're not comfortable with it than you shouldn't be pressured into doing it.

A person who loves, cares for, and respects you will NOT push you into doing something once you've said I'm Not Comfortable or I Don't Like It or I Don't Want To, and that's that.

I will always encourage people to branch out and try new things in their sex lives. But you have to start small, you have to go slow, and everyone has their limits. He's expecting you to do things with him that it probably took time and communication with his old wife to jump into and get used to, without you having the same adjust time as him.

My only real usable advice it to try to get through with him. Tell him what this denial and pressure makes you feel. If he doesn't acknowledge it, let off, or apologize sincerely, you know there's something wrong with the whole thing.

It would really suck to separate after being married for such a short time, but from the way your story sounds it seems like one day that might happen either way. Not because he doesn't want to have sex with you, but because of his disrespect for your wants and the way you're feeling about it. If this is starting so soon, and you're already being hurt (emotionally) by his actions and feeling sexually and emotionally frustrated, imagine what it'll be like in another year or two or five.

The best thing to try here is communication. Be open, honest, and determined!
He has to know that this is important to you and you will not let up (and make sure not to). You don't want to only do anal (if at all), you're not ready for sex clubs or swinging, and you need sexual satisfaction just as much as he does.

It may not seem like it now and then, but these are important stands that you have to make. If he won't back down off his high horse, it might mean you should start thinking about more drastic measures.

Good luck.
Be strong.
Stay safe.
<3
Sin

An Appreciative Moment

I have no real entry or article or witty spout of words for you today, and I apologize, but I would like to mention blogger Stuck In My Head, and thank her (I'm pretty sure its a her >.<' ).

I found her blog Shouldn't Life Be More Than This after she put up a link to me in a post referencing blogs she'd read. Along with a link to my latest post about McCain she wrote a basic description and bit of opinion.
I don't normally mention blogs that link me, or I trade links with, but I wanted to point out how much I appreciate that she mentioned me in her blog. It's the first time anyone has (as far as I know), and I see it as an honor to be thought of and something of a milestone on my blogging journey.
Thank you. :)

So, I recommend checking out SLBMTT (because it is a good read; with Def Poetry clips, news info, and well written descriptions and personals) and thank you for stopping by, I'll have something up for you as soon as possible (hopefully tomorrow night).

The Joke of Contraception in Politics. A Plea.

I don't usually talk about politics because, honestly, I don't want to. Politics and religion are the two topics that no one on different sides will ever really be able to discuss rationally, everyone's too goddamned convinced that they're right and everyone else is wrong.

But today I'm going to go against my mini pledge. I'm going to talk about Politics. Just a little bit. Please don't run off scared, because this is important.

I've had the basic idea of John McCain's status on Abstinence Only Education (he's all for it) since I first did research on the elections in the spring. It made me dislike him. But after reading This Article, I started doing some more research into an accusation which seemed far more horrifying than just AOE.

My findings say this: John McCain is AGAINST Sex Education AND Contraception (including Condoms).

Let me say that again. John McCain is AGAINST CONTRACEPTION.
That includes birth control pills, Plan B pills, and CONDOMS!!

Contraception is one of the most important topics of today's society.
Condoms are vital in the prevention of HIV and teen pregnancy, and Birth Control is one of the most issues in Women's Health because it prevents pregnancy as well as aiding in other medical problems.
Contraception and Birth Control is a Basic Medical issue and a basic medical Right! It isn't just sexual health or reproductive rights, it is Women's Health.

But McCain's status on Condoms is that he "isn't sure they really prevent" pregnancy or STDs.
He has voted AGAINST allowing or paying for Contraception every single time he's gotten the chance to.

To a reporter in Iowa, when asked about contraception and HIV (talking mostly about condoms and AIDS in Africa), he said "I’m not informed enough on it."

What??? A Presidential Candidate not INFORMED about one of the most important social issues?
If he's lying to save his own ass, what a horrible way to do it. Just say your against contraception and take your stand. He's supposed to be a "straight talker" who will take on questions and accusations against his issues head on, but he stumbles over contraception??
If he's not lying, and really doesn't know (or care about) contraception, then why the hell would we want him as President?

And that's not the first time he's said that. So many times when asked about contraception issues, he responds with "I don't know...etc". Even going so far as to ask his press secretary what his stance on the issues were!
Do we want a President who doesn't know about these issues?

At another time, when asked about the fact that Viagra is paid for by insurance but birth control isn't (he'd recently voted against a bill that would have birth control paid for along WITH what it pays for now-Viagra), he responded "I certainly do not want to discuss that issue".

Once again, WHAT? He doesn't want to talk about it? How can a Presidential Candidate not want to talk about an important issue? Do we want a president who is uncomfortable with talking about these important issues? He then says that he "doesn't usually duck an issue, but I'll get back to you".
Well we've got more instances where he DID duck that very same issue!

In this case you'd think it'd make perfect sense for any insurance that covers Viagra to cover birth control as well. As if the two weren't completely related to each other.



Today I even discovered an article talking about the new "definition" of Pregnancy. The government has decided to THROW OUT the established MEDICAL definition of pregnancy as beginning at implantation (when an egg attaches to the Uterus lining), and instead adopt the religious PUBLIC OPINION that pregnancy starts at conception (the meeting of the egg and sperm) as the new DEFINITION. This is an attempt at defining any hormonal contraception as ABORTION, which it's NOT! This also goes on to propose a new rule that would allow government funded programs to DENY women BIRTH CONTROL, and any company that didn't hire someone who would REFUSE BIRTH CONTROL to patients would be threatened.

This is just one step closer to outlawing Contraception in the US. Can you believe it?
Abstinence Only is one thing, but these little bitty steps towards completely ANNIHILATING the RIGHTS of women and their HEALTH is getting ridiculous and, frankly, absolutely frightening.

I don't care if your republican, democrat, christian, pro-life, pro-choice, pro-abortion,or pro-abstinence only, you cannot support a complete lack of Contraception and Condoms!

I don't care who you usually vote for, who you're planning on voting for, or why, but PLEASE don't vote for McCain. If you care about health, sexuality, or just WOMEN, PLEASE don't vote for him!
A man who doesn't want to talk about vital health issues and doesn't know enough about contraception to simply answer a question should NOT be allowed to be our entire countries President!

*deep breath*
I can deal with abortion being illegal or Abstinence Only taking over the schools, but if Contraception is banned in the US, or made legally ridiculously hard to get, I'm moving to Canada or England. And for the first time, I'm completely serious.

I can't support a country that doesn't support basic Civil and Women's Health Rights.



(PS: all the hyper linked phrases lead to blogs or news articles explaining the phrase)

Position of the Week %

Currently Reading: Sex Detox: Recharge Desire. Revitalize Intimacy. Rejuvenate Your Love Life. by Ian Kerner, Ph.D.

Quick Disclaimer: Typically I try to keep my images as PG-13 as possible, because I want this site to be about fun and information, not porn. Due to a lack of availability, however, today's pictures do contain nudity, so I'm telling you ahead of time. So now you know.

The Side Clasp
Also called: Modified T-Square

I couldn't wait to get her on the bed and get her clothes off. She slipped off her dress, and pulled off what was left of my clothes. For a second, we were just two naked people, able to see each others physical inadequacies. But only for a second.
Before too long we were on each other again. She pushed her lips to mine and jerked my head so fast and hard I though I'd have whiplash. My wild woman.
I finally pushed her onto her back and that's where we started. She watched as I rolled her hips to the side. Her eyes following my every motion until I was inside her. Then they closed, a sigh falling from her lips.
I rocked back and forth inside her like the ocean, and every exhale she made was as sweet as a song. I placed my hand on her ass and she made the sexiest moan as I dragged my nails down the meat of her thigh.
The noise made me thrust harder, and her gasps came faster.
Harder.
Faster.
Harder.
Faster.
It seemed almost endless. But it wasn't. Before too long, it was over. We cried out almost in unison, our breath evenly paced as I trembled inside her. She smiled sweetly, and I simply collapsed next to her.

~Coal Confidential (W.)

Directions:

*Woman (or receiving partner) lays down, legs bent at a right angle to one side. She should be positioned in a way that from above she looks an L, or one part of a swastika. Whatever.
*(or penetrating partner) kneels in front of her, pelvic bones about at the same level, and enters her (wherever).
-She'll probably have to open her legs a bit to let him in, but then she should squeeze them together good and snug.
Then you go at it.

This one has its ups and downs. The position is a bit awkward, but not uncomfortable.
Overall, here's the deal:

This is good for a guy whose size is above average, because the penetration isn't all that deep. In guides it says penetration is deeper than usual, but in practice, it was quite the opposite.
That, however, is mostly because the guy the girls hip bone bumping up against his pelvis/stomach and getting in the way. So for a "larger" guy with a smaller girl, it keeps penetration for him pretty shallow, but she still feels like it's a deeper thrust. But for a guy who's average or less, this probably would just keep him from getting the full feeling of being inside, plus bug the hell out of him.

(By the way, I could barely find any information or picture for this position, so the images are pretty much whatever I could find close enough to match more or less.)

In practice I (we) wasn't too fond of this position, and ended up switching out pretty quickly. The penetration wasn't deep enough for in a good enough angle that I felt it nearly enough, and W found it hard to feel enough as well because of the pressure of my ass bone grinding into his pelvis. It also doesn't allow for the use of a vibrator, because the woman's legs are pressed together (although the closed thighs can provide extra tightness for the guys-that's good), which is another bummer. Even a vibrating cock-ring wouldn't work right unless it was turned to the side, and that could be awkward.
But, as with most positions, with the right amount of practice and communication, I'm sure it's very possible to make it work for you and your partner.


That's pretty much it for tonight. This wasn't a particularly interesting or successful position, so I'm a bit empty on things to say. Hope this was worth the 5 minutes you spent reading it.

Tried this position? Loved it? Hated it? Made it better? Let me know!
I want to hear about all your trials, tribulations, crazy nights, and mundane experiences!
Email me at SinSekret@gmail.com or add me on Facebook, Myspace, or AIM!

Play safe!
<3


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Oh Where, Oh Where Has My Vibrator Gone...

Nowhere, actually; it's dead.
I need (want) a new one.

So So So So much. *sob*

It's not quite yet the kind of dead that means I can't use it anymore, but the kind that makes it a pain in the ass to use. I typically use my Strap On Dolphin Vibrator (without the straps; my clitoris is picky) for both single and couple play, and apparently I've used it far too much for it's own comfort. The wire is now fucked, and it shorts out every time unless I hold the cord a certain way (which is constantly changes). So it's really become impossible to use.
My trusty, wonderful, (cheap) little Bullet is a usual second choice, but unfortunately runs on watch batteries.
Watch Batteries = not available at the corner store + more expensive than the vibrator itself.
The other toys I own are virtually useless (I'm just too determined to have a full collection [and not waste money] to throw them away).
Thus, I am vibration-less.

It's really depressing because I have this weird little dream goal about having a whole collection of vibrators and lubricants and sex toys and novelties, but I've now broken my favorite one.
The sad part is I'm still unlikely to ever actually throw it away until it just completely stops turning on.

This is my Eden Fantasy's Wishlist, in case you just happened to have a couple extra dollars to spend...on me....
Some of the stuff on there is expensive, but some is really really cheap. And I'd love you forever....and ever...and ever. So it'd be worth it....I promise.
Anyway, I quit my pathetic groveling for the moment.

Quick IM with high school friend, Bay.
New Message!
Bay: Never satisfied with anything, are you?
Bay: How did you ruin your old vibrator?
Sin: ...
Sin: overuse
Bay: tsk tsk
Bay: of course. Need I have asked?
Sin: it's got a battery pack and the wire shorted
Sin: it makes me sad
Sin: ,>.<, Bay: Lol Bay: You would short out a sex toy... xD That's my Sin <3<3>
Bay: If I wasn't broke as well, I'd gladly pay money to make you sexually content.

If nobody minds, I'd like to include some of my random and slightly humorous text/IM conversations (as above) every once in a while (when their relevant). If they get annoying, aren't funny, or are too long and useless, PLEASE let me know and I'll make sure to throw them in the Idea Trash.

Next up, just so you know, is the next Position of the Week. It's half way finished, but not finished yet, so it should be up...Monday, I think. Especially since I've really been trying for a M,W,Th schedule, so here goes another try.

Till next time!
Play Safe!
<3

Related Posts: Sex Toy Reviews and the Mini Dolphin, Power of the Sun in The Palm of Your...,

The pen, being mightier than the prick...

I love to read. Well, I used to. Now I'm too lazy. But normally, I love to read. Normally, my genre is fantasy and teen fiction (my guilty pleasure), but a bit before Sin's Secret began I was suddenly all about sex. Sexual memoirs, guides, humor, if it had sex in it (and was non-fiction) I was all for it.
So heres a list of a few of the books I've read in the past few months, with little bits of reviews to show you what it's like, how it went, and what I thought of it. Today, we'll just start with three or four.

Belle De Jour; Diary of an Unlikely Call Girl ::by:: Anonymous

My second Sexual Memoir ever, this one grabbed me and pulled me along (by my hair) the whole was through. I mean, with the first sentence being "The first thing you should know is that I'm a whore.", you know you're in for a good ride.
That went on into the Prologue where Belle explains how she got into the "escort" business after college, including her very first "job" with a married couple. The book pretty much follows her diary/blog for about a year, including friends, family, relationships, shags, and- of course- clients.
It's hot. And fun.

Jeudi, le 4 decembre

There is someone in London who just paid to lick the pucker of my arse for one hour. Isn't that what everyone really wants in life, someone who'll kiss your grits and enjoy it?
If someone had only told me from the outset such perfect clients existed, I would have jumped in straightaway.

I give it an 8/10
And, in case you were wondering, this is now a BBC show (but coming to Showtime this new season I believe) starring Billie Piper (of Dr. Who). It's well done as well. Over dramatized, of course, but its fun to watch, and Piper has a gorgeous body in it.

The Walk of Shame; the Survival Guide ::by:: Robin Anderton and Jay Desario

I BookMooched this out of curiosity, and it turned out a bit differently than expected.
It's really a comedy book, barely serious in the least. Tells you what kind of Slut you are, what your signature drink should be, the best times of year to carry out a Walk of Shame, and what/who to avoid when you do so.
Definitely funny. Worth the read in a humor kind of way. Seems like something you'd bring to a E.R. or something, to keep your mind off the fact that you've been there for three hours and your bleeding out of your ears (speaking of which, I must tell you about my first visit to the Health Dept soon).
I give it a 8/10 in a different category than Belle De Jour. Not the best, but worth reading for a lot of laughs and a few obscure definitions.

Drink of Choice: Wine

If you're a college student, wine might seem a tad "adult" for your purposes. In fact, it's the ideal drink for you. First of all, it's cheap: a jug of delicious Gallo Rhine rarely costs more than ten dollars. Second of all, it'll leave you with a much more manageable hangover than many of the alternatives. Third, it will lead you to have joyous group sex with a bunch of comparative literature majors while someone prances around you in a circle, declaiming selections from "Howl". If you're in grad school, wine's power is even more pronounced: you will finally get with that guy everyone in your program thinks is totally hot but totally gay.

The Little Book of Kama Sutra Positions ::by:: Ann Summers

This probably wasn't worth the $10 it cost, but may be worth it if you can find it at a good discount.
This tiny hardcover book starts out exploring both male and female bodies, their erogenous zones, and the spiritual lessons and techniques of Kama Sutra. After that, it gives directions, tips, and well done photos of quite a few positions, starting from the easiest and going up in difficulty.
It's not a bad book, but not the best either. A good resource for basic Kama Sutra information (not too much spirituality, if that's not what you're looking for), with some pretty neat positions. I'd recommend this one if you can find it for a low enough price. (I think the lowest one on Amazon is about $6.50, which isn't too bad, I think.)
I give it a 6/10. Useful, especially for it's size, but not the best.

The Elephant Posture:
Great for...This is great for the man who likes to be in control. Penetration stimulates her G-spot. She can barely move because of the weight of her lover. Many women find this lack of control incredibly arousing.
Tantric Tip: This was inspired by the mating patterns of the elephants of India, which isn't the most obviously erotic image for modern lovers- however, the thrill of this position is timeless. Unleash your inner wild animal and howl and loudly and passionately as you both can.
21st Century Twist: This is great for a little light spanking, which as well as being a naughty thrill, also gets blood flowing to the whole pelvic region, making it even more sensitive. A light slap to the thigh with the back of a hand or a spanking paddle here can take sex in the Elephant Posture to a new dimension.

Sex and Sensibility ::edited by:: Genevieve Field

This is a female oriented book of short non-fiction stories about real women's lives. With tearful breakups and erotic one night stands, to long time haves and sexual near-misses, this is full of interesting and well-written mini-memoirs.
I picked it up expecting quite a bit more sex, so in that field I was disappointed, but it definitely didn't let down as far as interest goes. From a pair of best friends who end up in a threesome together with their new house mate, to a reporter swept away by a European Sexual Massage-Therapist, these stories (most of them) keep you reading while making you smile.

Mark greets you kindly at the airport, sweetly shows you your room, and then he shows you his, which has an antique tin ceiling, one which you spend a lot of time getting to know. Mark is the first man who has ever gone down on you .
Holy. Fucking. Christ.
Getting your pussy licked by a champ is like finding God, doing coke, and being a billionaire, all at the same time.
You can never look back.

I give it a 7.5/10. Not an 8 because theres not enough sex, but not just a 7...well, mostly because of that passage I just put down. I love that line.


That's all for now. Expect more...probably some time next month. Unless you actually want more, then you have to tell me so I know to do it sooner. But I'm sure you won't :-P

Play Safe!
~Sin

"Breaking up is hard to do..." An Advice Piece

I slept with my ex cause I felt lonely and depressed. and I broke down halfway while having sex.
I'd just like to know
What would he be thinking about.. Cause he's not replying my messages. Would he be ok? He's a typical guy, doesn't really know what to do when a girl cries.
and
What can I do to help myself. I'm in pretty bad shape.
I was just hoping that you might've been in this situation before. Could you help me out?

Alexis-Marie

Hey there Alexis. You picked the right day to ask me this. I've been there, I am there, and I'm there with you all the way.
Breakups are miserable, especially the ones you just can't seem to get over.

Lets start with what you said happened.
Somehow you got your ex into bed (or vice-versa), and halfway through you broke down. I assume this is because you miss him so much, or in general your still broken up about the whole thing.

So, first off, how did he react initially? Did he stop? Ask what was wrong? Console you? Or did he stop and leave you alone? Or even not stop at all? Did he even notice?
The answer to that is the start of your answer on what he's thinking (which is hard to answer since it's practically impossible to really know). If he didn't stop, or at least try to make you feel better, it's likely he really is done with you. If he tried to make you feel better, at least you know he still has a kind feelings towards you.

But maybe you freaked him out a little, I mean, you did start crying. If you didn't (or maybe even if you did) tell him why, who knows what he might be thinking, he's the only one who could really tell you.
Maybe a good idea (if he's not answering your phone calls or messages) is to just apologize without a response. Send him an email and say your sorry if you freaked him out, you've just been going through a lot of shit and you broke down. Tell him you'd like to know how he feels and what he's thinking, but that he doesn't have to reply if he doesn't want to. Then that's about all you can do. You can't force him to talk to you.


Then there's the hard part. Getting over an ex is practically never ever easy. Especially if they broke up with you during an intense relationship. First and most importantly you have to stop thinking about him. This could be the hardest part of absolutely anything, but it's only the start. Here are a few steps you can try.

*Do you ever make up situations in your head about running into him somewhere, him calling or coming to find you? Just imaginary fantasies about the two of you? If you do, STOP. I do this all the time and after a while it becomes a habit. Whenever you find yourself doing it, focus on something else. It's very important. If they're sexual fantasies, you should stop them too. In the future you can use him to fantasize again, but for now you can't. If you continue to think about or hope to see him, you'll never be able to get him out of your head.

*Stop calling, texting, communicating with him, as well as looking at his online pages (facebook, myspace, blogs, whatever). Even if you're still friends or whatever, resist the urge to contact him or look up his stuff. Just for now.

*Make sure you've thrown away all the useless sentimental items he gave you. I don't mean jewelry, books, or cookware, but the fake flowers, stuffed animals, and the little things like pictures that make you think of him, but don't really need to be in your home/room. (This can include ripping them to pieces or burning them-but be careful)

*Start a new project. Whether it's a story, or a painting, a new recipe book or a website, start something new that will take time and occupy your mind for a while. This will keep your mind off of him and give you the feeling of being busy, productive and useful. After my worst breakup I started an Altered Book to vent my misery and then eventually get over it.

*Get active. Whether its working out at a gym or dancing in front of the TV to the music channels, do something that keeps you energized and away from sulking miserably in a corner. Being physically active can keep those woeful feelings at bay.

*Accept what happened and start again. This is a step that can take time (and money) but is best done as soon as you think you're ready.
-Go out and buy a new bath set. Something inexpensive, but really nice, with bath salts, scented soap, oils, a candle or two, body scrub, a loofa, whatever. Maybe even some semi-expensive chocolates.
-When you're ready, have a good cry. I mean a good, long "I'll never love anyone as much as him and how could he hurt me so much and I hate myself and will never recover" cry. Even if it means taking one last look at those memory-inducing pictures and hugging that stuffed animal he got you at the fair/coin machine. Really; you deserve it. Cry until you can't cry anymore, just don't wake the neighbors.
-Think about what happened, what went wrong. Accept that you're hurt and you hate him for it, but then accept that it is over and there's nothing you can do about it. Accept that it will take time to fully heal. Also think about the fact that if he hurt you like this now, he'd probably do it again, so you probably wouldn't really want him back, right? You might want to cry some more after this.

-Now, go take a bath. A nice warm bath with salts, oils, loofas, chocolate, whatever! Anything you want. Turn the lights low, if you can, and wash yourself completely. Scrub everywhere gently but accurately. Imagine that you are washing away the pain. The hurtful parts of your past. Washing away the negative thoughts of him and your past. Try your best not to cry during this, but don't hold it in if you really have to. If you do cry, imagine your tears are your love, being washed away like everything else.
This might sound a bit weird and "New-Agey", but there's no reason why you shouldn't give it a try. The time after a breakup is a very emotional time, and this step is simply an attempt at controlling some of those emotions. It might not help completely but, in my experience, it can help a lot; it's a new beginning.

-Once your done, dry off completely and put on something soft and comfortable. Not silky or sexy; we want romance out of the brain. Now do something quiet, soothing, or productive. Read a brand new book that has nothing to do with romance, sex, or your past. Cook something simple and light. Have a cup of tea (not coffee unless its decaf) or hot chocolate and watch something new. Meditate. Or just go to sleep. This should be a time for you to do something by yourself for yourself. Sleep and let the night help you forget for a little while.

*Finally, GO OUT! When you're ready, going out with friends is one of the most important things you can do. Go to a new restaurant, a club, a bowling alley, amusement park, the beach, anything! Just get out of the house and do something fun and active and with someone that cares about you. (Under no circumstances are you to go out with your ex! Nor going somewhere where he'll be, at least not for a few more months
While you're out, SMILE! Laugh, flirt, dance, jump up and down, do everything that keeps your heart light and pleasant and re-energizes your mind and body.


That's all for now, I hope I helped in some way.
Good luck to you, don't hesitate to ask anything else.

Be safe, be happy
~Sin


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