My First Time :: A Question

"KM. said...

What do you think about the first time? Is it really so special that you should only have sex for the first time with someone you're in love with? What if I had a good friend? I love him? As a friend? Haha. I feel like even if I do it the first time with a friend it won't make it any less special when I fall in love...but then I'm 17. Naive."

Hi there Kay!

I'm glad you stopped by the blog and hope you found something useful or interesting there! Sorry I haven't been posting in a long time. Real life has been getting in the way of my online life, and sexuality isn't at the top of my career paths anymore, so I'm trying to work things out before getting back to the blog.

Anyway, to your question. Bare in mind this is a little long and I tend to ramble a lot, so feel free to email be back with any questions, or completely ignore me if I don't make any sense.

To put it simply, your first time is VERY complicated. It is special, but it isn't the most important event of your life. For one thing, I definitely think that you shouldn't go into your first time lightly. If you're thinking about having sex, think hard. Even if it doesn't seem like it, it is a big decision that you will-- in one way or another-- remember forever. The thing is that this could be good or bad.

I'm not one of those people that thinks your virginity is sacred and should be held onto with an iron fist. Obviously, since I write this blog. But I do still think it's a big thing.

I think I'm going to start rambling, so let me tell you my story first. In high school, I dated a guy for about three years. I thought we were completely in love, and I spent pretty much all of my high school life with him. But our relationship was an extremely unhealthy one. He was controlling, and mean, and borderline physically abusive. For most of the relationship I was very unhappy-- even though I thought I was in love and we were good together. Every sexual activity we did was his idea, his desire, his pleasure. I convinced myself that I wanted to do things with him, but inside I was always really unhappy with myself and what we did. When we finally did have sex a little over two years into the relationship-- which, to be honest, is something I don't even remember, now that I'm thinking about it-- I was miserable with the whole experience. I tried to make it "special", and I thought it was what I wanted; what was right for the relationship and for our happiness, but it wasn't. Now, years later, I regret everything about that relationship, and often wish I'd never had to live through it.

But here's the opposite side of that coin; it doesn't really matter now. The fact that I had sex for the first time in the way I did doesn't actually affect my life all that much. I never think about it, and it doesn't bother me. In my particular situation, the relationship bothers me a lot, but the loss of my virginity doesn't at all.

So, having told my lame story, here's what I think you should consider the most; what do you want? Do you want your first time to be with someone you really love and care for? That's always a good thing to aspire to, but not always very practical-- especially since real love isn't easy to come by, and losing your virginity kind of tends to be a little disappointing for girls.

I think your point that "even if I do it the first time with a friend it won't make it any less special when I fall in love" is wonderful and shows that you are anything but naive. Having sex with anyone for the first time is special when you really care about each other, even if it's not your first time ever having sex, so this is a great point.

However, in this case I think you should ask yourself why you want to have sex at all. Is it because you feel pressure to lose your virginity? Or because you're curious? Or is it something your friend wants? Maybe you want to get the whole virginity thing out of the way so you don't feel the pressure later on? I can't really judge any of these reasons, no one can, but it's something you should think about. Are your reasons valid? Will you still feel the same way in a week? A month? When we're young we change a lot and very quickly. Hell, our whole lives we change a lot; I haven't stopped yet. But that makes big decisions like this risky. If your reason a strong and valid one that you'll still think is valid after you've taken the sexual plunge?

The key to your first time is trying to find a situation that you won't regret later. Unfortunately, we never know what we will or won't regret, so that is really really difficult.

If you feel that what you really want is to explore your sexuality with a (very) good friend, and are sure of your desire in this, then it's not wrong for you to go for it. But it has to be what youwant. What makes you happy.

Sexuality is stressful. It's weird and it's complicated and it seems to be everywhere we look and somehow be part of everything we do. What's important is to try to stay above the crazy, the cruel, the unhealthy. To not give into what other people want and other peoples reasons and excuses and assumptions and pressures.

So with this decision, take your time. You have the rest of your life to have sex with whoever you want, but once you've done it once you can't undo it. So make sure that when you do go for it, it's what you really want. Whether it's with a good friend or the love of your life isn't as important as how happy you are when you do it. It should be a positive experience, and letting it be anything less is what you're more likely to regret.

And, of course, the technical stuff; don't forget, when it does happen, to be safe. Nothing ruins your first time like something going horribly wrong (i.e. STDs, pregnancy, etc). Don't believe any silly excuses, like condoms dull the sensation, or he can pull out, or anything like that. My motto is to use a condom every time, every way, no matter what. Just saying.

I hope this has been at least a little bit helpful. Please feel free to contact me any time about stuff like this. I wish you the best of luck and love.

Play safe,

Sin

Big Guy, Little Girl - Some Advice

For those of you looking for my Conversation/Podcast-y thingy (thank you ^0^) You can find a recording of it in the widget to the right. And on the night of the shows you can listen directly from the widget, or click on the title on the widget, it'll take you straight to the site where you can join in.
We're not sure when the next show will be, probably next weekend (not a sunday again), and it'll probably be about Erotica (with a contest!). So make sure to check back for info. And if you plan on stopping by, let me know and I'll keep on the lookout for you!
<3

Sin,
I am a very short woman with an average build and my partner is a foot taller than I am and outweighs me by about 150 lbs. Can anyone recommend sexual positions that would minimize the awkwardness of our size differences? The more creative, the better.
Thanks!

I can think of just a few in particular that should really work for you. This also applies to most couples with height and weight differences.

1. Cowgirl (you on top). This should work regardless of the size of either of you (unless the girl is really big and the guy's really little, as said before). This gives you complete control and him the chance to relax and enjoy the view. And if you do it reverse (you facing his feet) you have lots of extra space around your pussy to use a vibrator (if the guys got a bit of a gut, using a clitoral vibe can be a bit tough).

2. Standing. The position works well with a shorter woman, when done right. Try standing up against a wall with something nearby to put a foot on. With him in front of you, have him lift you up and push you against the wall (using the stool/chair/whatever to help support you if you need it). Get high enough for him to enter you and wrap you leg/legs around him. Then go for it.
This takes some balance from you and some strength from him, but is great for those passionate, desperate love-making sessions.

3. You sitting, him standing. This is simply when you sit on a surface that's at a good height for him to enter you without having to bend his knees or stand on his toes too badly. Kitchen counters, dining room tables, and washing machines should all work pretty well.
It's good because height shouldn't really matter, and if he's a little too tall, he should be able to bend enough to enter you without too much trouble.

Doggy Style might work, but it depends on how different the height is as far as your legs go. It can be tough when your legs, thighs especially, are too close or too different in height. At least, that's how I see it.

I'm sure you're well acquainted with missionary, but if you have trouble with it because of height or size, try with your legs over his shoulders, or both legs and hips over to one side. Having your legs over the side of the bed (or anything else) might work as well. This is also true with Doggy Style, with you on your knees in front of the bed, or leaning over a table, your chest on the bed and him entering from behind.

Really, you just have to be creative. Buy a book on Sex Positions and experiment with what floats your sexy boat!

Good luck!
~Sin

Related Articles- Losing My Virginity @ 21 :: Advice for the Pre-Orgasmic :: Anal Ultimatum :: Breaking Up Is Hard to Do :: Advice to an Over-Blow-Jobed Wife :: You Want a Bath - He Wants to Jack :: Sexy Lady

That stuff that comes before sex....

Tomorrow night at 7pm (EST), PhoneGirl and I will be hosting another TalkShoe conversation.
This... "episode" will be focused on Foreplay. You know; that stuff that's supposed to come before sex.

Personally, I'm not a big foreplay person. Having a distinct lack of physical arousal capabilities, foreplay just gets me bored. And despite the stereotype that women all love foreplay, many of my friends feel the same way.

Just the fact that I'm not really into foreplay will hopefully give us a good and diverse conversation. PhoneGirl and I would really love it if lots of you stopped by, leaving comments in the chat room, calling in (you don't need an account, you can call from anywhere in the world, and it's absolutely free!), or just listening in.

We want lots of opinions, questions, and suggestions from all our readers, and those who are just curious, so please stop by!

PS- did you hear, Obama repealed the Global Gag Rule; now allowing women and families around the world to get the health care and family planning information they really need!


Have fun, play safe!
~Sin

Losing My Virginity @ 21 - An Advice Piece

I'm 21 and still a virgin. My girlfriend (also a virgin) and I have been talking about having sex for the first time. What pointers could you give so that her first time can be an enjoyable one?

Most of all, I think making her comfortable and letting her know that you want her to enjoy everything is the biggest issue. Here are a few ways I'd suggest going about that.

1. Make a day of it. Spend the whole day doing things you both enjoy. Having sex when you're happy is a whole lot better (and easier) when you've had a day full of delight than a day full of everyday stresses. Go out to a simple dinner, see a movie with actors that you both like (nothing depressing, of course), or maybe do something fun and active like hiking, ice skating, or swimming (you can start the foreplay with a shower together). The physical ones are good because they get your heart pumping and your body moving (as well as releasing endorphins) which help get you in the mood.

These are all really optional though. If you just want to surprise her with a box of Thai take-out (don't opt for crappy Chinese-unless it's her favorite food- get something at least a little exotic), hot chocolate, and a DVD, go for that too. Some girls would even be happy with you just showing up with a bottle of wine and some roses.
It's whatever you feel would be the right beginning to your first night.

2. Take your time. You're both moving into uncharted territory, so move slowly and make sure you're communicating fully. Spend lots of time with foreplay to be sure that you're both completely ready to go (and go through with it). Don't just jump on her with the sudden need to go at it.
And remember, if you get half-way through foreplay and one of you decides its not quite the right time, don't worry about; it'll happen eventually.

3. Be prepared. Have everything you might need for the night. Excluding the every day needs of a romantic evening (bubble bath, champagne, candles, dinner, whatever), don't forget the sexual necessities; condoms (of course), lubricants (this is her first time, after all- lube is a must), maybe even a small, affordable vibrator just to be sure she has a total happy ending.

Most of all, communicate. Make sure this is what you both want and the time when you want it. If there's a certain place, day, or way that you (or she) wants, make sure to be aware.

Even if you don't just sit around and discuss it, make sure you both know that you can be open and honest about the situation and the things you want and don't want.

Good luck!

Have fun, play safe.

~Sin

**question originally answered by me on the Ask Dan & Jennifer Forum **

Salty, Slimy, Sexy?

Today we have the (much much overdue) second article of Something Sweet To Suck On.

Aphrodisiac #2!
Oysters!!

While I've always been a fan of Oyster stew, fried oysters with fries, and the occasional snack canned smoked oysters on crackers (with champagne nowadays), I didn't really see any of those deep fried, thick, and oily foods turning me on in any way, shape, or form. Well, actually, food in general turns me on, but... not the point.

So, for this part of my aphrodisiac experiment, I decided to go out on a limb and try something new, exciting, and...a bit creepy. So W and I headed to an "oyster bar" in town, and ordered a nice (i.e. small but expensive) helping of Raw Oysters.

Yup, that's right, we tried our first raw oysters.

W. had actually never had any kind of oysters, so the whole meal was brand new to him, but while I've had plenty of oysters, the idea of eating them raw has always been pretty frightening.

That sunday night, my attitude was no different.

To keep our meal varied and try to get the most out of this "aphrodisiac" dish, I ordered a mixture of plates. I started with She-crab soup (ohmygodsofuckinggood), which I couldn't deny once I saw it (if they had oyster stew, I would have gotten it, but they didn't, which I think is kind of weird.). For the two of us, we ordered a half dozen raw oysters, and an interesting mix of Oysters Rockefeller, Buffalo Oysters, and... something else I don't remember.

Scientifically, there are no properties of oysters that say they should help your sex drive. They're good for you, yeah, but there's nothing in them that makes them make you sexy.

The idea is that it's all about the looks. Some people believe they look a bit like testes, some people say they remind them of the female sexual organs. Soft, silky, wet.
*shrug* Whatever.

On the way to the restaurant, W and I were both timid and nervous about eating something so slimy. But I will readily admit, once I felt that slick, slippery sensation on my tongue, I wanted more.

The taste of their raw oysters was...odd? The first slimy bite pretty much tastes like nothing but sea water. I assume better quality oysters taste better, but I could be wrong... They were served with cocktail sauce and lemons, and the others were topped with things like buffalo sauce and bacon & spinach. The topped ones kind of just tasted like whatever was on top.

So the taste, as far as these went (they didn't seem like the best of quality), was... meh, but the soft fluff sliding down my throat made me want more slippery things in my mouth. Don't know why, but I did love it.

W didn't quite agree, and I'm sure not everyone would.

We later tried another half dozen (cooked this time), and we also shared a salad and some dessert.

My analysis?
Well, I don't remember exactly how I felt for the rest of the night. I know we had sex, but I don't remember what led up to it or how it was. That's completely my fault for taking so long to write this up.
But what I do remember is that I felt extremely adventurous for the rest of the night. I mean, like a crazy high. I even considered sex behind the restaurant as we were leaving (and, for the sake of science, we probably should have tried).

I think that, for me and possibly for others, there's something crazy and adventurous and sexy about trying something so different, so strange, and so... unique.
If you ate raw oysters every night, you might not feel any effect of this slimy little aphrodisiac, but if you enjoy the sensations that come from going out on a limb and trying something new, this might be just the thing to give your night a boost into a little bit of a wildness.

Results:: Oysters might not be best for the squeamish (then of course there's that warning against children and pregnant women), but if you're one of those that like to be a little adventurous and love the thrill of strange new foods, you might be interested in adding a couple raw oysters to your date night, just to give it a special little kick-off.
I might have to do a little more experimenting to discover whether or not it works more regularly...mmm....

Have fun,
Play safe,
and Happy eatings.
~Sin

Related Posts:: Strawberry Sheets Forever

Advice for the Pre-Orgasmic

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Giving You Something Sweet to Suck On: An Experiment

I love food. Really, I do.
And we all know I love sex.
(Even though sometimes I tend to love food more than sex...)

So, today, lets talk about food, and lets talk about sex.
Let's talk about aphrodisiacs.

An aphrodisiac is any food, drink, herb, or whatever digestible item you please, that is said to boost the libido or "get you in the mood".

Let start with a quick list. These are the most popular.

Asparagus
Oysters
Avocado
Chocolate
Pomegranate
Sweet Potato
Chili Powder/Cayenne Pepper
Basil Bananas
Figs
Garlic (woot!)
Strawberries


**Educational Note: The supposedly super sexifying liquid called "Spanish Fly" is not a good thing to go for. The store bought kind you get is really just chili powder and sugar water. Actual Spanish Fly is a mixture made from a certain kind of ground up beetle, and it is LETHAL. The idea behind it was once that these beetles released a kind of toxin that, when urinated later on, irritated the urethra, sometimes causing a tingling sensation or stimulation in the surrounding area. But this shit is deadly, so don't waste your money on the crap at the store, and don't waste your health on the real shit.**


Now, it's been debated back and forth whether or not aphrodisiac foods actually work, so instead of telling you they do, I decided to conduct an experiment.

Let's try them out.

It's obvious that just downing a shitload of mashed sweet potatoes isn't going to make me feel like a sex goddess, so lets take them a few of them one by one and see what we can do.

Twice a week over the next two weeks (starting next week) I'm going to head to the store and grab one of these foods. That day I'll take it home, find a recipe for it, set a sexy mood around the house, and see if eating a meal focused on that food gets me a little more in the mood than usual.
In my post I'll explain the food, it's tastes and uses, along with the recipes I used, and how the night went afterward.

Sound boring? Not for me. :-D And I'll do my best to make it worth your while.


Like the idea of mixing dinner with pleasure? Then tune in later on in mid-october for a post focused on just that! "Eating In While Eating Out" (entitled by Bell), is my next food-based project, so make sure to come back next month!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Don't forget to send me you're Sexy Post-Its! Read the rules HERE and send them to me ASAP at SinSekret at Gmail dot Com for you're chance to win some nifty prizes!!

Here's another one of the awesome entries I've gotten! (I decided to keep them anonymous, for when voting time comes along.)

Keep 'em coming!!!

"Anal Ultimatum" Advice Piece

I've been married for just over a month and my husband told me yesterday he doesn't want to have sex with me. We've struggled in the past with getting on the same page sexually, but had been doing well (I thought) thanks to a very romantic honeymoon until about a week ago. We didn't have sex all this week, any time I tried to initiate it he said he had to do something or was tired and just wanted to snuggle, etc. Yesterday he finally told me he has no desire to have sex with me right now. Basically, he's bored with me and has said that anal sex is a deal breaker in our marriage. We have tried anal on many occasions and maybe once or twice it has felt bearable- not GOOD, just not painful to the point where I could tolerate it. I love him and want to make him happy, but me "tolerating" it isn't good enough for him. He wants me to enjoy it and ask for it.
Since we started dating, my husband has tried to encourage me to be more sexually adventurous. I have tried many things that were once outside my comfort zone...some I like, but some I haven't learned to. He was previously married (his wife passed away) and I know they were much more compatible sexually than he and I are, though he says the two of us are more compatible in many other ways. I know he and previous wife went to sex clubs and he wants me to go to one as well...but I'm not comfortable being naked in public or the possibility of having threesome or sex with strangers. I appreciate the fantasy of the idea, but in reality I think it would lead to jealousy and confusion in our realtionship. Despite this, I've suggested that he seek anal sex with another partner because I really want him to be satisfied and have his needs met but he always says he wants to have it with me.
He was aware of all my reservations before we got married, before we got engaged and before we even got serious. His lack of desire and frustration with me makes me feel undesirable and makes me less interested in sex. I also feel like I'll never live up to his previous wife and that he'll always long for the sex life that they shared.
Please cheer me up! I can't talk to any of my friends because I don't want them to know we're having trouble.
~Sad Newlywed

Hey there.

This might sound a little harsh, but it sounds to me like marriage might not have been a great idea for you two. It's not just the sex incompatibility, but more his blatant disrespect for your wants, needs, and likes/dislikes.

I can understand you not wanting to have anal. Its strange, uncomfortable, sometimes painful, and typically only pleasurable for women if it's what they're into. Obviously it's not your thing. He should understand that and respect it and not continue to try to get you to do it.

The fact that him and his wife were compatible and sexually adventurous is great, but he should NOT hold you to the same standards, especially if he knew your opinions before hand.
"W" and I have talked about having a threesome with another woman (because i want to) but he's really uncomfortable with the idea. And while I will probably continue to bring it up for a while, once he makes a decision that he doesn't want to do it than that's it; we just wont do it.
If you're not comfortable with it than you shouldn't be pressured into doing it.

A person who loves, cares for, and respects you will NOT push you into doing something once you've said I'm Not Comfortable or I Don't Like It or I Don't Want To, and that's that.

I will always encourage people to branch out and try new things in their sex lives. But you have to start small, you have to go slow, and everyone has their limits. He's expecting you to do things with him that it probably took time and communication with his old wife to jump into and get used to, without you having the same adjust time as him.

My only real usable advice it to try to get through with him. Tell him what this denial and pressure makes you feel. If he doesn't acknowledge it, let off, or apologize sincerely, you know there's something wrong with the whole thing.

It would really suck to separate after being married for such a short time, but from the way your story sounds it seems like one day that might happen either way. Not because he doesn't want to have sex with you, but because of his disrespect for your wants and the way you're feeling about it. If this is starting so soon, and you're already being hurt (emotionally) by his actions and feeling sexually and emotionally frustrated, imagine what it'll be like in another year or two or five.

The best thing to try here is communication. Be open, honest, and determined!
He has to know that this is important to you and you will not let up (and make sure not to). You don't want to only do anal (if at all), you're not ready for sex clubs or swinging, and you need sexual satisfaction just as much as he does.

It may not seem like it now and then, but these are important stands that you have to make. If he won't back down off his high horse, it might mean you should start thinking about more drastic measures.

Good luck.
Be strong.
Stay safe.
<3
Sin

Position of the Week %

Currently Reading: Sex Detox: Recharge Desire. Revitalize Intimacy. Rejuvenate Your Love Life. by Ian Kerner, Ph.D.

Quick Disclaimer: Typically I try to keep my images as PG-13 as possible, because I want this site to be about fun and information, not porn. Due to a lack of availability, however, today's pictures do contain nudity, so I'm telling you ahead of time. So now you know.

The Side Clasp
Also called: Modified T-Square

I couldn't wait to get her on the bed and get her clothes off. She slipped off her dress, and pulled off what was left of my clothes. For a second, we were just two naked people, able to see each others physical inadequacies. But only for a second.
Before too long we were on each other again. She pushed her lips to mine and jerked my head so fast and hard I though I'd have whiplash. My wild woman.
I finally pushed her onto her back and that's where we started. She watched as I rolled her hips to the side. Her eyes following my every motion until I was inside her. Then they closed, a sigh falling from her lips.
I rocked back and forth inside her like the ocean, and every exhale she made was as sweet as a song. I placed my hand on her ass and she made the sexiest moan as I dragged my nails down the meat of her thigh.
The noise made me thrust harder, and her gasps came faster.
Harder.
Faster.
Harder.
Faster.
It seemed almost endless. But it wasn't. Before too long, it was over. We cried out almost in unison, our breath evenly paced as I trembled inside her. She smiled sweetly, and I simply collapsed next to her.

~Coal Confidential (W.)

Directions:

*Woman (or receiving partner) lays down, legs bent at a right angle to one side. She should be positioned in a way that from above she looks an L, or one part of a swastika. Whatever.
*(or penetrating partner) kneels in front of her, pelvic bones about at the same level, and enters her (wherever).
-She'll probably have to open her legs a bit to let him in, but then she should squeeze them together good and snug.
Then you go at it.

This one has its ups and downs. The position is a bit awkward, but not uncomfortable.
Overall, here's the deal:

This is good for a guy whose size is above average, because the penetration isn't all that deep. In guides it says penetration is deeper than usual, but in practice, it was quite the opposite.
That, however, is mostly because the guy the girls hip bone bumping up against his pelvis/stomach and getting in the way. So for a "larger" guy with a smaller girl, it keeps penetration for him pretty shallow, but she still feels like it's a deeper thrust. But for a guy who's average or less, this probably would just keep him from getting the full feeling of being inside, plus bug the hell out of him.

(By the way, I could barely find any information or picture for this position, so the images are pretty much whatever I could find close enough to match more or less.)

In practice I (we) wasn't too fond of this position, and ended up switching out pretty quickly. The penetration wasn't deep enough for in a good enough angle that I felt it nearly enough, and W found it hard to feel enough as well because of the pressure of my ass bone grinding into his pelvis. It also doesn't allow for the use of a vibrator, because the woman's legs are pressed together (although the closed thighs can provide extra tightness for the guys-that's good), which is another bummer. Even a vibrating cock-ring wouldn't work right unless it was turned to the side, and that could be awkward.
But, as with most positions, with the right amount of practice and communication, I'm sure it's very possible to make it work for you and your partner.


That's pretty much it for tonight. This wasn't a particularly interesting or successful position, so I'm a bit empty on things to say. Hope this was worth the 5 minutes you spent reading it.

Tried this position? Loved it? Hated it? Made it better? Let me know!
I want to hear about all your trials, tribulations, crazy nights, and mundane experiences!
Email me at SinSekret@gmail.com or add me on Facebook, Myspace, or AIM!

Play safe!
<3


Related Posts: Postion of the Week Numero !, PotW @, PotW #, PotW $

The pen, being mightier than the prick...

I love to read. Well, I used to. Now I'm too lazy. But normally, I love to read. Normally, my genre is fantasy and teen fiction (my guilty pleasure), but a bit before Sin's Secret began I was suddenly all about sex. Sexual memoirs, guides, humor, if it had sex in it (and was non-fiction) I was all for it.
So heres a list of a few of the books I've read in the past few months, with little bits of reviews to show you what it's like, how it went, and what I thought of it. Today, we'll just start with three or four.

Belle De Jour; Diary of an Unlikely Call Girl ::by:: Anonymous

My second Sexual Memoir ever, this one grabbed me and pulled me along (by my hair) the whole was through. I mean, with the first sentence being "The first thing you should know is that I'm a whore.", you know you're in for a good ride.
That went on into the Prologue where Belle explains how she got into the "escort" business after college, including her very first "job" with a married couple. The book pretty much follows her diary/blog for about a year, including friends, family, relationships, shags, and- of course- clients.
It's hot. And fun.

Jeudi, le 4 decembre

There is someone in London who just paid to lick the pucker of my arse for one hour. Isn't that what everyone really wants in life, someone who'll kiss your grits and enjoy it?
If someone had only told me from the outset such perfect clients existed, I would have jumped in straightaway.

I give it an 8/10
And, in case you were wondering, this is now a BBC show (but coming to Showtime this new season I believe) starring Billie Piper (of Dr. Who). It's well done as well. Over dramatized, of course, but its fun to watch, and Piper has a gorgeous body in it.

The Walk of Shame; the Survival Guide ::by:: Robin Anderton and Jay Desario

I BookMooched this out of curiosity, and it turned out a bit differently than expected.
It's really a comedy book, barely serious in the least. Tells you what kind of Slut you are, what your signature drink should be, the best times of year to carry out a Walk of Shame, and what/who to avoid when you do so.
Definitely funny. Worth the read in a humor kind of way. Seems like something you'd bring to a E.R. or something, to keep your mind off the fact that you've been there for three hours and your bleeding out of your ears (speaking of which, I must tell you about my first visit to the Health Dept soon).
I give it a 8/10 in a different category than Belle De Jour. Not the best, but worth reading for a lot of laughs and a few obscure definitions.

Drink of Choice: Wine

If you're a college student, wine might seem a tad "adult" for your purposes. In fact, it's the ideal drink for you. First of all, it's cheap: a jug of delicious Gallo Rhine rarely costs more than ten dollars. Second of all, it'll leave you with a much more manageable hangover than many of the alternatives. Third, it will lead you to have joyous group sex with a bunch of comparative literature majors while someone prances around you in a circle, declaiming selections from "Howl". If you're in grad school, wine's power is even more pronounced: you will finally get with that guy everyone in your program thinks is totally hot but totally gay.

The Little Book of Kama Sutra Positions ::by:: Ann Summers

This probably wasn't worth the $10 it cost, but may be worth it if you can find it at a good discount.
This tiny hardcover book starts out exploring both male and female bodies, their erogenous zones, and the spiritual lessons and techniques of Kama Sutra. After that, it gives directions, tips, and well done photos of quite a few positions, starting from the easiest and going up in difficulty.
It's not a bad book, but not the best either. A good resource for basic Kama Sutra information (not too much spirituality, if that's not what you're looking for), with some pretty neat positions. I'd recommend this one if you can find it for a low enough price. (I think the lowest one on Amazon is about $6.50, which isn't too bad, I think.)
I give it a 6/10. Useful, especially for it's size, but not the best.

The Elephant Posture:
Great for...This is great for the man who likes to be in control. Penetration stimulates her G-spot. She can barely move because of the weight of her lover. Many women find this lack of control incredibly arousing.
Tantric Tip: This was inspired by the mating patterns of the elephants of India, which isn't the most obviously erotic image for modern lovers- however, the thrill of this position is timeless. Unleash your inner wild animal and howl and loudly and passionately as you both can.
21st Century Twist: This is great for a little light spanking, which as well as being a naughty thrill, also gets blood flowing to the whole pelvic region, making it even more sensitive. A light slap to the thigh with the back of a hand or a spanking paddle here can take sex in the Elephant Posture to a new dimension.

Sex and Sensibility ::edited by:: Genevieve Field

This is a female oriented book of short non-fiction stories about real women's lives. With tearful breakups and erotic one night stands, to long time haves and sexual near-misses, this is full of interesting and well-written mini-memoirs.
I picked it up expecting quite a bit more sex, so in that field I was disappointed, but it definitely didn't let down as far as interest goes. From a pair of best friends who end up in a threesome together with their new house mate, to a reporter swept away by a European Sexual Massage-Therapist, these stories (most of them) keep you reading while making you smile.

Mark greets you kindly at the airport, sweetly shows you your room, and then he shows you his, which has an antique tin ceiling, one which you spend a lot of time getting to know. Mark is the first man who has ever gone down on you .
Holy. Fucking. Christ.
Getting your pussy licked by a champ is like finding God, doing coke, and being a billionaire, all at the same time.
You can never look back.

I give it a 7.5/10. Not an 8 because theres not enough sex, but not just a 7...well, mostly because of that passage I just put down. I love that line.


That's all for now. Expect more...probably some time next month. Unless you actually want more, then you have to tell me so I know to do it sooner. But I'm sure you won't :-P

Play Safe!
~Sin

"Breaking up is hard to do..." An Advice Piece

I slept with my ex cause I felt lonely and depressed. and I broke down halfway while having sex.
I'd just like to know
What would he be thinking about.. Cause he's not replying my messages. Would he be ok? He's a typical guy, doesn't really know what to do when a girl cries.
and
What can I do to help myself. I'm in pretty bad shape.
I was just hoping that you might've been in this situation before. Could you help me out?

Alexis-Marie

Hey there Alexis. You picked the right day to ask me this. I've been there, I am there, and I'm there with you all the way.
Breakups are miserable, especially the ones you just can't seem to get over.

Lets start with what you said happened.
Somehow you got your ex into bed (or vice-versa), and halfway through you broke down. I assume this is because you miss him so much, or in general your still broken up about the whole thing.

So, first off, how did he react initially? Did he stop? Ask what was wrong? Console you? Or did he stop and leave you alone? Or even not stop at all? Did he even notice?
The answer to that is the start of your answer on what he's thinking (which is hard to answer since it's practically impossible to really know). If he didn't stop, or at least try to make you feel better, it's likely he really is done with you. If he tried to make you feel better, at least you know he still has a kind feelings towards you.

But maybe you freaked him out a little, I mean, you did start crying. If you didn't (or maybe even if you did) tell him why, who knows what he might be thinking, he's the only one who could really tell you.
Maybe a good idea (if he's not answering your phone calls or messages) is to just apologize without a response. Send him an email and say your sorry if you freaked him out, you've just been going through a lot of shit and you broke down. Tell him you'd like to know how he feels and what he's thinking, but that he doesn't have to reply if he doesn't want to. Then that's about all you can do. You can't force him to talk to you.


Then there's the hard part. Getting over an ex is practically never ever easy. Especially if they broke up with you during an intense relationship. First and most importantly you have to stop thinking about him. This could be the hardest part of absolutely anything, but it's only the start. Here are a few steps you can try.

*Do you ever make up situations in your head about running into him somewhere, him calling or coming to find you? Just imaginary fantasies about the two of you? If you do, STOP. I do this all the time and after a while it becomes a habit. Whenever you find yourself doing it, focus on something else. It's very important. If they're sexual fantasies, you should stop them too. In the future you can use him to fantasize again, but for now you can't. If you continue to think about or hope to see him, you'll never be able to get him out of your head.

*Stop calling, texting, communicating with him, as well as looking at his online pages (facebook, myspace, blogs, whatever). Even if you're still friends or whatever, resist the urge to contact him or look up his stuff. Just for now.

*Make sure you've thrown away all the useless sentimental items he gave you. I don't mean jewelry, books, or cookware, but the fake flowers, stuffed animals, and the little things like pictures that make you think of him, but don't really need to be in your home/room. (This can include ripping them to pieces or burning them-but be careful)

*Start a new project. Whether it's a story, or a painting, a new recipe book or a website, start something new that will take time and occupy your mind for a while. This will keep your mind off of him and give you the feeling of being busy, productive and useful. After my worst breakup I started an Altered Book to vent my misery and then eventually get over it.

*Get active. Whether its working out at a gym or dancing in front of the TV to the music channels, do something that keeps you energized and away from sulking miserably in a corner. Being physically active can keep those woeful feelings at bay.

*Accept what happened and start again. This is a step that can take time (and money) but is best done as soon as you think you're ready.
-Go out and buy a new bath set. Something inexpensive, but really nice, with bath salts, scented soap, oils, a candle or two, body scrub, a loofa, whatever. Maybe even some semi-expensive chocolates.
-When you're ready, have a good cry. I mean a good, long "I'll never love anyone as much as him and how could he hurt me so much and I hate myself and will never recover" cry. Even if it means taking one last look at those memory-inducing pictures and hugging that stuffed animal he got you at the fair/coin machine. Really; you deserve it. Cry until you can't cry anymore, just don't wake the neighbors.
-Think about what happened, what went wrong. Accept that you're hurt and you hate him for it, but then accept that it is over and there's nothing you can do about it. Accept that it will take time to fully heal. Also think about the fact that if he hurt you like this now, he'd probably do it again, so you probably wouldn't really want him back, right? You might want to cry some more after this.

-Now, go take a bath. A nice warm bath with salts, oils, loofas, chocolate, whatever! Anything you want. Turn the lights low, if you can, and wash yourself completely. Scrub everywhere gently but accurately. Imagine that you are washing away the pain. The hurtful parts of your past. Washing away the negative thoughts of him and your past. Try your best not to cry during this, but don't hold it in if you really have to. If you do cry, imagine your tears are your love, being washed away like everything else.
This might sound a bit weird and "New-Agey", but there's no reason why you shouldn't give it a try. The time after a breakup is a very emotional time, and this step is simply an attempt at controlling some of those emotions. It might not help completely but, in my experience, it can help a lot; it's a new beginning.

-Once your done, dry off completely and put on something soft and comfortable. Not silky or sexy; we want romance out of the brain. Now do something quiet, soothing, or productive. Read a brand new book that has nothing to do with romance, sex, or your past. Cook something simple and light. Have a cup of tea (not coffee unless its decaf) or hot chocolate and watch something new. Meditate. Or just go to sleep. This should be a time for you to do something by yourself for yourself. Sleep and let the night help you forget for a little while.

*Finally, GO OUT! When you're ready, going out with friends is one of the most important things you can do. Go to a new restaurant, a club, a bowling alley, amusement park, the beach, anything! Just get out of the house and do something fun and active and with someone that cares about you. (Under no circumstances are you to go out with your ex! Nor going somewhere where he'll be, at least not for a few more months
While you're out, SMILE! Laugh, flirt, dance, jump up and down, do everything that keeps your heart light and pleasant and re-energizes your mind and body.


That's all for now, I hope I helped in some way.
Good luck to you, don't hesitate to ask anything else.

Be safe, be happy
~Sin


Related Posts: Advice To an Over-Blow-jobbed Wife, "You Want to Take a Hot Bath, He Wants To Jack Off...", Sexy Lady Advice

Position of the Week $

Currently Watching: The Secretary :: Starring Maggie Gyllenhaal & James Spader

This weeks position is: "The Rising"
Also called Right Angle Position, The Yawning.

In movies and porn you often see couples going at it in something like missionary, but with the womans legs against the guys chest, her high-heeled feet dangling behind his back. This is something like that, but just a little bit more complex.

Directions:
Here the woman lies on her back, the man standing on his knees in front of her. He grips her legs and she supports herself with her hands above/behind her on the bed or headboard as he lifts her legs up and rests them against his body, her ankles on either side of his head. The woman now should have her hips off the bed/ground, and both her legs firmly against the mans body, with their pelvises in line with each other. The guy can hold her legs either at the ankle, knees, or thighs, but preferably her hips while her legs rest inside his elbows, and he penetrates in this position. Traditionally, he should move in "slow circular motions" while she stays still.

So lets talk about this one, one gender at a time.

Guys: You're probably going to love this. Probably. Despite the work it takes to get everything situated, the depth of insertion here (according to W) is fantastic. The womans vagina is shortened a little bit, so your penis goes all the way in, and completely "fills" her.
There's little effort on your part really, except for the fact that your standing on your knees, which can get tiring after a while. And here you have almost total control over speed, pressure, and depth.
"It was hard to keep a grip, but the angle of penetration was...nice. It felt good. It felt open." -W


Ladies: You...might like this. If you have decently strong abs, don't get tired too easily, and don't mind your legs falling asleep halfway through, sure.
The angle isn't uncomfortable once you get used to it, it's just a bit odd the first time, so comfort isn't a really a problem here. Except for your legs... But if you're really into it, my negative comments can be thrown to the wind, because all this one really takes is practice.
The angle does give lots of space for a decent view, or for a vibrator to slip in and give you an extra boost when wanted.
I bet this also burns twice as many calories than regular missionary, simply because of how your fighting to keep up your hips. A great ab workout. Mix that with the good vibrator area, and you've got yourself a pleasurable-and productive- time. ^-^
Although you should definitely skip this one if you have neck or back problems.


I have to say that this is one worth trying, at least, especially if your willing to do the practice ("make research", as W says quite often). I only tried it once, and only for a little while, and because I definitely don't have the abs to hold myself up like that, my personal discomfort shouldn't deter you from at least trying it next time you hop into bed. If you're looking for something new and interesting, this should be on your list.

The angle and depth alone make it worth trying, if only for the guy, and if your the adventurous type, it's pretty cool just to be able to say "Yeah, I did that one". So I say give it a shot.


Tried it? Loved it? Hated it? Found one better? Let me know! Email me at Sinsekret@gmail.com or AIM me under SinSekret.

Sorry no erotica this time, but I've got the next one almost done (already!), and there is a short story, and it's by W, so it's something different.
By the way, we've hit over 1,000 hits so far this month! Fucking awesome!!!

Related Posts: PotW #-Reverse Cowgirl, PotW @-Doggy Style , PotW !- Lotus,

Advice to an Over-Blow-Jobed Wife.

Currently Reading: Sleeping Around: Secrets of a Sexual Adventuress by Catherine Townsend


Sorry I have been soooo crazy slack, but I've been on vacation, and just forgot to say I'd be gone. I'm heading home soon, but till then here's something quick and easy.

I was recently invited to give advice on the sex part of a forum, Ask Dan and Jennifer. I've answered a few so far, and I think they've been pretty good questions (and pretty good answers on my part ^^').

So here's the most recent question and reply. Enjoy ^-^

Husband prefers blowjobs, please help!

---

Since I had my baby a year ago our sex life seems to have gone down hill. Which yes I can understand why. It used to be twice a day, now it's a few times a week.

However, my problem is my husband seems to prefer a blowjob to sex. I have said when it's that time of the month I don't mind doing it for the week, everyday if he wants!
But for the other 3 weeks I want sex, yes blowjobs included but not all the way.
This afternoon he made it clear he wanted a blowjob, I started and then stopped because I could see it was all he wanted. He was disappointed and nothing else happened, no sex or anything.

We have talked about this loads of times and I actually thought he understood how crap it makes me feel.

Oh its great, knowing your husband wants a blowjob but not sex with you. It's not even like I get anything after or during giving him one.

I am so sexually frustrated. It just seems to be either a blowjob for him or a blowjob leading to sex (a quickie) I might add.

The problem is it has gone that far now I don't even come onto him because I feel he doesn't want me. Like I said, I have spoke to him about it and he says yes I understand I am sorry, it will be different.

We used to always watch porn together and I miss it, but there is no way I could watch it now because I feel so low about myself.

Advice please?
~Heaven

Hey there Heaven.

It's seems quite common that guys don't think in a balanced way when it comes to sex. Especially oral sex.

Going in a similar yet opposite direction of the post before me, his reciprocation is a good idea, but why not make a deal with it? You said you're sexually frustrated, why not make a bargain where you'll give him oral if he gives you oral. And if he's all up for that, but he is only half-hearted and you're still left unsatisfied, make it a deal where you'll give him a blow job every time he makes you orgasm. It doesn't matter if he likes it or not; I doubt you like doing it to him all that much either.

And while usually I don't condone trading sex for power, if oral sex isn't your thing, and he's really stuck on blowjobs, try exchanging your sexual favors for housework. Sounds a little odd, but you just had a baby, and I'm sure your list of chores and responsibilities has doubled and his hasn't changed all that much. So, for every time he makes the family dinner, mows the lawn, cleans the kitchen/bathroom, or does the groceries (perfectly), he gets a blowjob. Not right away, but when the time is right.

And if you don't like the idea of bargaining on this, than try more communication. You said he promises to change, but it seems he hasn't, so try simply restricting him. Be honest that you don't like doing it all the time (if ever), and tell him that until you are no longer sexually frustrated, you don't want to do it. Or that you can only give him oral for every time you have successful sex.

Or, just stop doing it altogether, and let him know that your choosing to stop. That you don't like it, it makes you feel bad/degraded, and that when you feel like it (or he deserves it), maybe it can happen again.

I know these sound...harsh, but you seem desperate in a way. Guys can be selfish about their sexual gratification, and you have to show that your gratification (sexual or otherwise) needs to be acknowledged and satisfied. Especially if you actually don't like giving oral. That doubles the problem. You do it for him, even though you don't like it, so he should at least do it for you, if not something else to please you in some way.

If nothing else, communication and understanding (in this case, understanding on his part), is key.

I wish you luck, I hope things work out.

<3
~Sin

A Personal Message...

Currently Reading: Sleeping Around: Secrets of a Sexual Adventuress by Catherine Townsend

Reading the Sexual Memoirs I love so much, I've started feel a bit down. I feel sort of disconnected; like I'm trying to measure up to these writers but inevitably can't.
Not because they know more, or because they're older or more successful, but because of their infamously long "lists".

I, with my total of four sexual partners, cannot compete or compare with a published writer with more than fifty men under her belt. (Why I envy these women in the future post on Casual Sex and Promiscuity.)
And while W and I have talked about and considered considering bringing a third party into our sexual activities, we are both still nervous about the idea. And it's a bit hard to hope for our relationship to succeed when I envy those with more past lovers than me, and wish I were one of them.

I don't feel that quantity of experiences has a dramatic effect on quality of knowledge. I know what I need to know, what I want to know, and I try to know more to help myself and others. But here it doesn't matter what I think, it matters what you, the reader, think. So here I am, asking you myself.

I don't have loads of hilarious sexcapades to share with you, nor sexual wisdom gained over years of trial and error.
What I do have is my ideas. My opinions. My knowledge; gained through limited experience, extensive reading, late night conversations, and occasional research. My body; the way it feels and behaves. My life; the few experiences I have had, as well as those of my closest friends, lovers, and strangers.

I can't always be funny, and I can't always be smart, but I will always try to be both and more.

Do you think that's enough?