Beginning a Journey :: by Kay

**Editor's Note:: I think it's important to mention that Kay has not always been in the "BDSM" culture or lifestyle. While we have often discussed and debated about the sexual elements since we met, it is something she has sort of fallen into. Every person interested in BDSM has started, lived, and continued or stopped participated in their activities for different reasons. Sometimes it's an innate longing, sometimes curiosity, force, etc. There is no right way, there are no (or very few) wrong ways, and as Bell said so wonderfully, everyone is unique and beautiful and they're meant to be that way.

Anyway. Here is post #1, and from now on I'll post one from her every Sunday afternoon. Enjoy! <3>

Intro, Of Sorts
by Kay
Part One of the Submission by Kay series.

Here is what I know:

For the longest time I was a cutter. In a very loose sense of the word. I never broke the skin. There was just something about dragging the sharp edge of something along my bare flesh that filled a part of me. My physical pain, I found, had the ability to match my emotional pain. I had concrete evidence that I was, indeed, hurting. But it was evidence only for myself. I had scratches on my body, sure, but they were in places that I could easily cover with clothing. No one else could know. Unless I wanted them to. And a part of me wanted them to make the effort to discover those scratches, but no one ever did. So my outlet was temporary because after a while, the fact that no one ever noticed began to cause me more pain.

I began to tell people. And then I realized that I was having to defend my status as a “cutter.” I didn’t break skin. My injuries meant nothing. While self-inflicted, they meant nothing compared to the many people who drew blood. Who made scars. I was never one for blood.

But I kept doing it, kept dragging sharp edges across the skin, my tears stopping as I felt a jagged edge dragged across my thigh.

And then one day it just went too far. I won’t get into the details because I’m sure you’d rather not know them. Personally, I’d rather not know them but it’s something I’m forced to live with.

At any rate, I tried rather unsuccessfully to slit my wrist with a razor but I chickened out when the skin broke. It stung too much. So instead I downed a bottle of pills, then ran down the hall to get help.

And suddenly people cared. People wanted to know why.

And that was when I stopped knowing why.

I went to a therapist. And even now, almost two years later, I’m still seeing the same woman. And I’ve still barely scratched the surface of my problems. Pun intended.

A few weeks ago I moved in to my new place.

I had a huge fight with my parents the day I was slated to move out and it ended with me in tears, practically hyperventilating as I sped down the road, my car loaded with all manner of boxes.

My roommate invited her friend over that night. We started talking about sex, as my friends and I are very open about our sex lives and our preferences in the bedroom (in fact, the few that know about this endeavor of mine are very supportive of it!).

I don’t know how the subject came up, I mean specifically…I know how it eventually came up, knowing my friends the way I do. At any rate, I mentioned at some point that I enjoy knife play. Which, at that point in time was a lie. Not a complete lie. I rather did like the idea of knife play. I’d just never…played…before.

Let’s just say the night got better as the guy pulled his knife out and began to drag it across my skin. I’d never felt anything like it. I mean…I had, obviously as I’d formerly done stuff like it to myself…but it was something completely new now. It felt different to have someone else in control of the blade, to control how long it dragged or where it dragged. And I found it highly, highly erotic.

He dragged it over my nipples, over my stomach, my neck, pressing the cool blade into my skin, leaving beautiful pink scratch marks in its wake, marks that I would begin to feel alarmingly proud of.

He tied my wrists together and I found myself unable to clutch anything, barely able to writhe comfortably as he continued to drag that blade. And it was even more erotic. My body felt hot, the space between my legs aching terribly. Pain had become pleasure.

He came back a couple days later, his manner more forceful, pressing me against walls, slamming my face into the bed, tugging my hair. But the more he did, the more I began to enjoy myself. It was intense. It was insane. And it felt so wrong that it began to feel so right. He gave me more scratch marks and this time, I found them accompanied by nice blue bruises, some of those bruises still visible even now.

I was hooked.

Days later, my roommate took me to a friend’s house. She’d told me a lot about him and his girlfriend and the lifestyle they have. His girlfriend and my roommate are like sisters and she gladly showed me their “dungeon,” a basement with a large table at one end and all manner of suspension gear along the other, not to mention an entire wall lined with shelves covered in any manner of toys and devices necessary for their lifestyle.

Later that night, I got into a discussion with her boyfriend and I found myself practically drooling at the thought of working with them. I asked if he would train me and he readily agreed to, offering to go ahead and take me down to the basement for further discussion, including in depth descriptions of the toys and implements.

Later, there was more.

To be continued...(next Sunday)...

**This is an edited version of Kay's first post on her new blog, A Life Beneath. For the full version (not much is cut out, but there are more posts) you're welcome to visit her blog.

Or just stop by here next Sunday for her next post, "My First Lesson".**

clone it

"Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones But Whips and Chains Excite Me"

A Quick Introduction to the World of BDSM

Book of the Day: You Know You Love It : Lessons in Sexual Mischief :: by Ilona Paris

Movie of the Day: Secretary :: Starring Maggie Gyllenhal and James Spader


The world of Sex and Sexuality is a vast and incomprehensibly interesting universe.
Likes, dislikes, fantasies, cultures, subcultures, fetishes, sexual orientations, and preferences, as well as the lack-there-of of all of the above and so so much more, make it one of the most eclectic topics in modern (and historical) culture.

It's not particularly often that I bring up subjects of fetishes, fantasies, or subcultures of sex. They tend to be complicated and take quite a bit of work to explain. But today, I'm taking a stab (haha) at one of my favorite fetishes/subcultures: BDSM.

For starters, BDSM stands for several things, depending on who you're asking. Respectively, it stands for some variation of Bondage and Discipline/Domination and Submission/Sadism and Masochism.

So lets break down the very very basic basics of what these each stand for.
Bondage: Being tied up. That's the down and dirty basic. Bondage as in Bonds. Being tied up, cuffed, roped, whatever.
Discipline: Being spanked. This is ...well...being disciplined.
Domination: Being on top. This is essentially dominating your partner in one way or another, whoever that may be.
Submission: Being on bottom. This is typically submitting to your partner. Enduring pain, bondage, humiliation, and all sorts of strange offenses that normally be horrid.
Sadism: Slapping and enjoying it. Based on the legendary Marquis De Sade, this is gaining pleasure from giving pain (whether that be physical of mental).
Masochism: Being slapped and enjoying it. The opposite of sadism, masochism is gaining pleasure from receiving pain.

Now, these things get a lot more complicated, and are defined and carried out in a million different ways by a million different people. Yes, I said a million. Its really millions. These pleasures are far more common than you think.
Think about it. What turns you on? Nibbling on each others lips? Nails down your back? Little extra roughness during sex?
These little things are little degrees of bondage, masochism, and domination.
There are, of course, many people who those things aren't enough for.

I've always had a quaint fascination with the BDSM world. My particular niche is the idea of being owned. Tied up, collared, punished, and, most of all, taken care of.

I recently bought a pair of fur lined leather wrist cuffs (not hand cuffs; I can't stand fuzzy handcuffs), and I adore them. Coal (my bf, W, in case I haven't mentioned the name change yet) puts them on me every morning, and takes them off every night. I'm only allowed to take them off for work and modeling (and cleaning or showering). It took a while for him to grasp what it was I wanted with all of this, but little by little he's understanding my want (and need) to be taken care of, almost as if I were a pet.

I'm sure it seems odd, but to me, seeing him put on the cuffs makes me feel owned in a way that lets me feel protected, wanted, and loved. Once in a while he bathes me, or dresses me, or other simple tasks, and when he asks me to do something, I do it (9 times out of 10 anyway...).
It isn't like I can't take care of myself (hell, he can barely take care of himself, I'm better at it), it's just this sweet, sensual feeling I get from being taken care of. And occasionally from small levels of inflicted pain.

This is a very simple, very basic form of a Dominance/Submission relationship. I'd like it to grow into more in the future, but right now we're taking little steps.

But there are so many higher, more complicated, more dangerous levels of BDSM. From knife play and hot wax to flogging and whipping, to suspension and chains, to asphyxiation, humiliation, and nipple clamps, to so so so much more. There are so many fetishes, subcultures, and ways to "play" that you'd be hard put to actually name most of them.

In the future I hope to eventually talk more about the culture and subcultures of BDSM, but for now I just wanted to give you this basic introduction, and introduce my new (and first) Guest Writer.

My friend Kay just started taking "classes" in Submission. She just started, but so far her experiences have been interesting, and her appreciation seems genuine. She recently started a Blog to journal her thoughts, sessions, and overall journey in this little area of the sexual world, so I invited her to post some of her writings here in Sin's Secret as a sort of weekly guest entry.

My hope is that this will do several things. One, is give Sin's Secret some more varied content, which I think is important, and a new, outside voice. Two, is give an inside view into something that most people aren't familiar with, so that maybe some of you readers might find something new to learn, create an understanding of, and maybe even try out some time ;-). Three, is to add a bit of spice in here. I know that now and then my posts can be pretty dull, and occasionally talk about some dull topics. This Guest Writer would mean that there'd be something strange, new, and interesting every week or so for readers to follow and enjoy.

So, the next post up will be Kay's initial introduction piece, to start her off.

Until next time!
<3
Sin

The pen, being mightier than the prick...

I love to read. Well, I used to. Now I'm too lazy. But normally, I love to read. Normally, my genre is fantasy and teen fiction (my guilty pleasure), but a bit before Sin's Secret began I was suddenly all about sex. Sexual memoirs, guides, humor, if it had sex in it (and was non-fiction) I was all for it.
So heres a list of a few of the books I've read in the past few months, with little bits of reviews to show you what it's like, how it went, and what I thought of it. Today, we'll just start with three or four.

Belle De Jour; Diary of an Unlikely Call Girl ::by:: Anonymous

My second Sexual Memoir ever, this one grabbed me and pulled me along (by my hair) the whole was through. I mean, with the first sentence being "The first thing you should know is that I'm a whore.", you know you're in for a good ride.
That went on into the Prologue where Belle explains how she got into the "escort" business after college, including her very first "job" with a married couple. The book pretty much follows her diary/blog for about a year, including friends, family, relationships, shags, and- of course- clients.
It's hot. And fun.

Jeudi, le 4 decembre

There is someone in London who just paid to lick the pucker of my arse for one hour. Isn't that what everyone really wants in life, someone who'll kiss your grits and enjoy it?
If someone had only told me from the outset such perfect clients existed, I would have jumped in straightaway.

I give it an 8/10
And, in case you were wondering, this is now a BBC show (but coming to Showtime this new season I believe) starring Billie Piper (of Dr. Who). It's well done as well. Over dramatized, of course, but its fun to watch, and Piper has a gorgeous body in it.

The Walk of Shame; the Survival Guide ::by:: Robin Anderton and Jay Desario

I BookMooched this out of curiosity, and it turned out a bit differently than expected.
It's really a comedy book, barely serious in the least. Tells you what kind of Slut you are, what your signature drink should be, the best times of year to carry out a Walk of Shame, and what/who to avoid when you do so.
Definitely funny. Worth the read in a humor kind of way. Seems like something you'd bring to a E.R. or something, to keep your mind off the fact that you've been there for three hours and your bleeding out of your ears (speaking of which, I must tell you about my first visit to the Health Dept soon).
I give it a 8/10 in a different category than Belle De Jour. Not the best, but worth reading for a lot of laughs and a few obscure definitions.

Drink of Choice: Wine

If you're a college student, wine might seem a tad "adult" for your purposes. In fact, it's the ideal drink for you. First of all, it's cheap: a jug of delicious Gallo Rhine rarely costs more than ten dollars. Second of all, it'll leave you with a much more manageable hangover than many of the alternatives. Third, it will lead you to have joyous group sex with a bunch of comparative literature majors while someone prances around you in a circle, declaiming selections from "Howl". If you're in grad school, wine's power is even more pronounced: you will finally get with that guy everyone in your program thinks is totally hot but totally gay.

The Little Book of Kama Sutra Positions ::by:: Ann Summers

This probably wasn't worth the $10 it cost, but may be worth it if you can find it at a good discount.
This tiny hardcover book starts out exploring both male and female bodies, their erogenous zones, and the spiritual lessons and techniques of Kama Sutra. After that, it gives directions, tips, and well done photos of quite a few positions, starting from the easiest and going up in difficulty.
It's not a bad book, but not the best either. A good resource for basic Kama Sutra information (not too much spirituality, if that's not what you're looking for), with some pretty neat positions. I'd recommend this one if you can find it for a low enough price. (I think the lowest one on Amazon is about $6.50, which isn't too bad, I think.)
I give it a 6/10. Useful, especially for it's size, but not the best.

The Elephant Posture:
Great for...This is great for the man who likes to be in control. Penetration stimulates her G-spot. She can barely move because of the weight of her lover. Many women find this lack of control incredibly arousing.
Tantric Tip: This was inspired by the mating patterns of the elephants of India, which isn't the most obviously erotic image for modern lovers- however, the thrill of this position is timeless. Unleash your inner wild animal and howl and loudly and passionately as you both can.
21st Century Twist: This is great for a little light spanking, which as well as being a naughty thrill, also gets blood flowing to the whole pelvic region, making it even more sensitive. A light slap to the thigh with the back of a hand or a spanking paddle here can take sex in the Elephant Posture to a new dimension.

Sex and Sensibility ::edited by:: Genevieve Field

This is a female oriented book of short non-fiction stories about real women's lives. With tearful breakups and erotic one night stands, to long time haves and sexual near-misses, this is full of interesting and well-written mini-memoirs.
I picked it up expecting quite a bit more sex, so in that field I was disappointed, but it definitely didn't let down as far as interest goes. From a pair of best friends who end up in a threesome together with their new house mate, to a reporter swept away by a European Sexual Massage-Therapist, these stories (most of them) keep you reading while making you smile.

Mark greets you kindly at the airport, sweetly shows you your room, and then he shows you his, which has an antique tin ceiling, one which you spend a lot of time getting to know. Mark is the first man who has ever gone down on you .
Holy. Fucking. Christ.
Getting your pussy licked by a champ is like finding God, doing coke, and being a billionaire, all at the same time.
You can never look back.

I give it a 7.5/10. Not an 8 because theres not enough sex, but not just a 7...well, mostly because of that passage I just put down. I love that line.


That's all for now. Expect more...probably some time next month. Unless you actually want more, then you have to tell me so I know to do it sooner. But I'm sure you won't :-P

Play Safe!
~Sin