Occasional Zen

I wonder, sometimes, what life would be like without sex.
Would conflicts only be fought over gods, land, and money? Satisfaction only gained through religious rituals, bungee jumping, and video games? Reproduction fulfilled by some dull, solitary act of asexual mitosis? Would food not taste as good, lacking that inherently sensual, bodily response that accompanies every luscious bite of silky, hot soups and sweet red strawberries?

What about love?
Could love not exist without the heart-throbbing drive of passion and desire?
Tightly held hands and shy pecks on the cheek are only significant in their little steps towards a much greater, longer journey into the unknown.
To me love and sex go hand in hand. Love is not necessary for sex, but it makes it so much better. And while love can often just muddle things up in sex, more often it stokes the flames of desire, and makes it all the more worth-while.

Our lives are driven by so many different kinds of passion. Would those other flames be squelched if our bodies didn't know the thrills of sexual passion?

Or would they burn brighter, without the distractions of carnal pleasures.

"...from what I've tasted of desire, I hold with those who favor fire." ~Robert Frost

Have fun, play safe.
~Sin Secret

Huzzah For..Tissues?

I'm working on a couple of decent posts, and I'm sorry they aren't up yet, but I just HAD to show off my newest reviews about my new products from EF!!!

I was so excited to get them, and I was so happy when they came in, and I adore them. Click the links to see the products and my reviews ^-^

The first is a new Rabbit vibrator. I'm not usually big on Rabbit vibes, but I definitely love this one. The shaft doesn't twist like most do, it actually pulses upwards in waves. Plus it's cordless and really strong.
I love it. My Review is HERE.

The other, which I adore!, is called a ToiTissue. I was so confused when I first got the assignment, but when it came in I was thrilled! It's a storage container conveniently hidden inside a tissue box. ^-^
I've been wanting a storage container ever since I started my toy collection, and while this doesn't solve my storage problems, it is awesome anyway. It's so unique.

Plus, I think I did an awesome job with the review. W giggled a few times when reading it. ^-^
So, HERE's the review for the ToiTissue box.

Come back soon!
<3
Sin

What Your Heart Tells You to Do?

Because this needs to be seen.





Thank you to Sugarbutch for posting it, and giving me the chance to see such a passionate, wonderful speech.


All you need is love.
<3
Sin

Giving You Something Sweet to Suck On: An Experiment

I love food. Really, I do.
And we all know I love sex.
(Even though sometimes I tend to love food more than sex...)

So, today, lets talk about food, and lets talk about sex.
Let's talk about aphrodisiacs.

An aphrodisiac is any food, drink, herb, or whatever digestible item you please, that is said to boost the libido or "get you in the mood".

Let start with a quick list. These are the most popular.

Asparagus
Oysters
Avocado
Chocolate
Pomegranate
Sweet Potato
Chili Powder/Cayenne Pepper
Basil Bananas
Figs
Garlic (woot!)
Strawberries


**Educational Note: The supposedly super sexifying liquid called "Spanish Fly" is not a good thing to go for. The store bought kind you get is really just chili powder and sugar water. Actual Spanish Fly is a mixture made from a certain kind of ground up beetle, and it is LETHAL. The idea behind it was once that these beetles released a kind of toxin that, when urinated later on, irritated the urethra, sometimes causing a tingling sensation or stimulation in the surrounding area. But this shit is deadly, so don't waste your money on the crap at the store, and don't waste your health on the real shit.**


Now, it's been debated back and forth whether or not aphrodisiac foods actually work, so instead of telling you they do, I decided to conduct an experiment.

Let's try them out.

It's obvious that just downing a shitload of mashed sweet potatoes isn't going to make me feel like a sex goddess, so lets take them a few of them one by one and see what we can do.

Twice a week over the next two weeks (starting next week) I'm going to head to the store and grab one of these foods. That day I'll take it home, find a recipe for it, set a sexy mood around the house, and see if eating a meal focused on that food gets me a little more in the mood than usual.
In my post I'll explain the food, it's tastes and uses, along with the recipes I used, and how the night went afterward.

Sound boring? Not for me. :-D And I'll do my best to make it worth your while.


Like the idea of mixing dinner with pleasure? Then tune in later on in mid-october for a post focused on just that! "Eating In While Eating Out" (entitled by Bell), is my next food-based project, so make sure to come back next month!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Don't forget to send me you're Sexy Post-Its! Read the rules HERE and send them to me ASAP at SinSekret at Gmail dot Com for you're chance to win some nifty prizes!!

Here's another one of the awesome entries I've gotten! (I decided to keep them anonymous, for when voting time comes along.)

Keep 'em coming!!!

My First Lesson :: by Kay

Dear reader, I'd like to mention that this piece is not edited very much at all. It's been edited and shortened just a bit, but I decided not to edit much of this part because of how much information and terminology it contains. I think this is a greatly erotic and educational part, so I decided it would be better to leave it whole, offering you as much as possible. It is a good post though, so please do enjoy.

~Sin

My First Lesson

Part Two of the Submission by Kay series.

My first lesson started rather unexpectedly. After we’d discussed various manners of items on the shelves and he tested my reaction to various levels of whips and sharp implements, he decided it was time to show me the positions.

There are six basic positions that all reputable dominants use. They are all numbered and named, but I am going to be completely honest and say that the only one that I remember right now is the first position, the submissive position. I remember the names of all the others and how to do them, but I won’t know if he gives me a numbered command and that honestly scares the hell out of me.

What I do know is that the first position is on your knees, bottom seated on your feet, head turned down so that you are looking at your Master/Mistresses knees if they are standing right in front of you. Dominants vary as to where they want the hands positioned. Some say hands clasped behind the back. My Master believes this to be a position that is far too relaxed so he has me clasp my hands behind my neck. Oh and I almost forgot, my knees have to be separated, spread slightly to keep my crotch open- a vulnerability thing I believe. And of course, my posture has to be perfect; neat and erect.

The other positions, in no particular order (as I have said I do not remember the order) are present your breasts, present your crotch, present your ass, present your mouth, and present your back.

Present your breasts is a fun one. I kind of rather like that one. You get down as if you were going into submissive position, except knees are clamped together, feet are crossed at the ankles and your bottom is not resting on your feet. You stick your chest out as far as you can, placing your breasts on display for your Master/Mistresses review and of course for various activities and possible nipple clamping. For this one he has me keep my hands on my neck…I think…Oh shit.

Present your crotch is not one I am particularly fond of, nor is it one that I remember very well. So as soon as I relearn it, I will explain what it is and I will probably tell you the punishment that I end up receiving for not remembering my lessons.

Present your ass is when you get down on your knees. Clasp your fingers together and lay your palms on the floor. Rest your head on your hands so that you are unable to see your Master/Mistress unless they walk within your limited area of peripheral vision and stick your ass out as far into the air as you can. I don’t really like my ass so this position may not end up very high on my list of favorite things to do during lessons.

Present your mouth is another one I don’t remember. Shit. Shit. Shit. I believe I need to research on the internet. What I do know is that you open your mouth as wide as you can…vertically, never horizontally, to show off what a pretty mouth you have and to allow your Dominant to place a gag in your mouth. I do know that it requires the same hand position as present your ass…at least I think it does. Ok well I know you have to keep your eyes shut.

Present your back is very similar to present your ass. Hands clasped, head on hands. Your knees, however, are pressed all the way up so that they touch your hands and your back is arched as nicely in the air as you are able to get it. As I have scoliosis, I do not believe my Master will be using this position very often. Actually that’s a bit of a shame, as I love things being done to my back and I know that would be a good receiving position.

Then came wax play. He told me to stand and remove my shirt and my bra. I was hesitant, but I did as I was told, learning a new lesson in the process: Always take care of your clothes. I was to fold them neatly and hand them to him. Oh and of course my eyes were downcast. You are not to look at your Master unless you have permission and trust me, that is very rare permission to receive.

He cuffed my ankles and wrists to the table. He also allowed me to wear a heavy collar, a cool, large, metal ring clamped tightly around my neck. (And you must always thank your Master when they collar you. It is a very high privilege.)

We moved up three more levels I believe. I actually kind of lost count after a while. Subspace is intense. (Subspace is the area of your head you go into to be able to deal with that kind of pain and take it as pleasure. You lose yourself in your mind, concentrating not on what happened, or on what will happen, but what is happening at that exact moment, nothing more.) So each layer burned worse, even though there was already a nice coat of wax on my back by the time he got to the hottest. Mind you, the ‘beginner’ candle came after two of his own and it still burned. But he was proud of me for making it to that level and he allowed me to move up one more step. Which is where I finally said the ‘safe word.’

(For those of you who don’t know, it is absolutely necessary to have a ‘safe word’ in a relationship of this nature so that if your pain threshold is pushed too far, you can call things to a stop before it reaches a dangerous level. Never use the word ‘stop’, as it is a word people will naturally say when in pain and do not always mean. ‘Red’ is usually used to mean that the pain has become too much and you want that level to stop, but you do not want the activity to cease altogether.)

He clutched me and said “You are safe.” At this point, mind you, I was panting slightly and I had to calm down a bit because the pain had reached that slightly unbearable level.

He knew I liked knife play and he was planning to remove the wax with a knife, but as I had said the ‘safe word’ he asked if I still wanted him to. Of course I did. It felt amazing, feeling the cool blade on my back after the heat of the wax. I wanted to shiver, but at the same time I was just so…warm.

We fell into a silence as he worked, his hands working in tandem with the blade to ease the wax off my back. In all honesty, it felt like I’d just gotten a massage, the heat having eased all the tension from my body. Not to mention the fact that I felt like I was in this Zen-like mode, all thoughts gone, barely hearing the dull hum of the water heater nearby.

When he finished with the knife, he ran a scrubber over my back. It felt like sandpaper across my sensitive back but it felt so good, in a way I couldn’t even begin to explain. Who knew something that felt like sandpaper could cause my body to ache with a certain hunger.

Wow, thinking on it, I know he did a few more things, but I really cannot remember the order he went in. I do know that he ran a wheeled, jagged blade over my back and it felt like a constant knife over my skin, sharp against the sensitive heat he had already created. (Mind you, he had run that blade across my skin before in the introductory phase, and it felt no worse than a cat scratch. It was amazing how much it was intensified by the heat.) He also blew across my back, causing the hairs on the back of my neck to rise, my body wishing to arch against the bondage as I whimpered softly. I remember my eye lids fluttering shut, the feel like a cool breeze after an excruciatingly hot day.

And then he whipped me with his middle intensity whip. Ten strokes and I had to count them out loud and thank him after each one. I winced as the leather hit my back, realizing that I did wish to thank him for being so kind to me, for allowing me to feel the things I wanted to feel and some things I didn’t even know I wanted to feel until he fulfilled the silent requests for me.

I’ve never felt so vulnerable in my life. And yet I’ve never felt so safe.

When we finished, we had Cool Down time, a necessary part of any good Dom/Sub relationship. It is a time to bring the submissive back from subspace, to ease their mind back into the world, out of their heads, their place of such intense vulnerability.

He wrapped me in a blanket and led me upstairs. At this point, my friend joined us again and we all cuddled on the couch, my friend wrapped tightly around me, purring in my ear, nuzzling against my side, both of them making sure I felt safe. Just safe. And eventually my mind did ease back into the real world, to coherent thoughts and time slipped by so quickly. I’d been in subspace for nearly two hours and Cool Down time was about that long, but each felt like nothing more than ten minutes. Which makes me wonder what time really is.

Continued next week with The Second Session...

Don't forget to check out Kay's full blog: A Life Beneath.

Related Posts: Beginning a Journey, Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones but Whips and Chains Excite Me

Beginning a Journey :: by Kay

**Editor's Note:: I think it's important to mention that Kay has not always been in the "BDSM" culture or lifestyle. While we have often discussed and debated about the sexual elements since we met, it is something she has sort of fallen into. Every person interested in BDSM has started, lived, and continued or stopped participated in their activities for different reasons. Sometimes it's an innate longing, sometimes curiosity, force, etc. There is no right way, there are no (or very few) wrong ways, and as Bell said so wonderfully, everyone is unique and beautiful and they're meant to be that way.

Anyway. Here is post #1, and from now on I'll post one from her every Sunday afternoon. Enjoy! <3>

Intro, Of Sorts
by Kay
Part One of the Submission by Kay series.

Here is what I know:

For the longest time I was a cutter. In a very loose sense of the word. I never broke the skin. There was just something about dragging the sharp edge of something along my bare flesh that filled a part of me. My physical pain, I found, had the ability to match my emotional pain. I had concrete evidence that I was, indeed, hurting. But it was evidence only for myself. I had scratches on my body, sure, but they were in places that I could easily cover with clothing. No one else could know. Unless I wanted them to. And a part of me wanted them to make the effort to discover those scratches, but no one ever did. So my outlet was temporary because after a while, the fact that no one ever noticed began to cause me more pain.

I began to tell people. And then I realized that I was having to defend my status as a “cutter.” I didn’t break skin. My injuries meant nothing. While self-inflicted, they meant nothing compared to the many people who drew blood. Who made scars. I was never one for blood.

But I kept doing it, kept dragging sharp edges across the skin, my tears stopping as I felt a jagged edge dragged across my thigh.

And then one day it just went too far. I won’t get into the details because I’m sure you’d rather not know them. Personally, I’d rather not know them but it’s something I’m forced to live with.

At any rate, I tried rather unsuccessfully to slit my wrist with a razor but I chickened out when the skin broke. It stung too much. So instead I downed a bottle of pills, then ran down the hall to get help.

And suddenly people cared. People wanted to know why.

And that was when I stopped knowing why.

I went to a therapist. And even now, almost two years later, I’m still seeing the same woman. And I’ve still barely scratched the surface of my problems. Pun intended.

A few weeks ago I moved in to my new place.

I had a huge fight with my parents the day I was slated to move out and it ended with me in tears, practically hyperventilating as I sped down the road, my car loaded with all manner of boxes.

My roommate invited her friend over that night. We started talking about sex, as my friends and I are very open about our sex lives and our preferences in the bedroom (in fact, the few that know about this endeavor of mine are very supportive of it!).

I don’t know how the subject came up, I mean specifically…I know how it eventually came up, knowing my friends the way I do. At any rate, I mentioned at some point that I enjoy knife play. Which, at that point in time was a lie. Not a complete lie. I rather did like the idea of knife play. I’d just never…played…before.

Let’s just say the night got better as the guy pulled his knife out and began to drag it across my skin. I’d never felt anything like it. I mean…I had, obviously as I’d formerly done stuff like it to myself…but it was something completely new now. It felt different to have someone else in control of the blade, to control how long it dragged or where it dragged. And I found it highly, highly erotic.

He dragged it over my nipples, over my stomach, my neck, pressing the cool blade into my skin, leaving beautiful pink scratch marks in its wake, marks that I would begin to feel alarmingly proud of.

He tied my wrists together and I found myself unable to clutch anything, barely able to writhe comfortably as he continued to drag that blade. And it was even more erotic. My body felt hot, the space between my legs aching terribly. Pain had become pleasure.

He came back a couple days later, his manner more forceful, pressing me against walls, slamming my face into the bed, tugging my hair. But the more he did, the more I began to enjoy myself. It was intense. It was insane. And it felt so wrong that it began to feel so right. He gave me more scratch marks and this time, I found them accompanied by nice blue bruises, some of those bruises still visible even now.

I was hooked.

Days later, my roommate took me to a friend’s house. She’d told me a lot about him and his girlfriend and the lifestyle they have. His girlfriend and my roommate are like sisters and she gladly showed me their “dungeon,” a basement with a large table at one end and all manner of suspension gear along the other, not to mention an entire wall lined with shelves covered in any manner of toys and devices necessary for their lifestyle.

Later that night, I got into a discussion with her boyfriend and I found myself practically drooling at the thought of working with them. I asked if he would train me and he readily agreed to, offering to go ahead and take me down to the basement for further discussion, including in depth descriptions of the toys and implements.

Later, there was more.

To be continued...(next Sunday)...

**This is an edited version of Kay's first post on her new blog, A Life Beneath. For the full version (not much is cut out, but there are more posts) you're welcome to visit her blog.

Or just stop by here next Sunday for her next post, "My First Lesson".**

clone it

"Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones But Whips and Chains Excite Me"

A Quick Introduction to the World of BDSM

Book of the Day: You Know You Love It : Lessons in Sexual Mischief :: by Ilona Paris

Movie of the Day: Secretary :: Starring Maggie Gyllenhal and James Spader


The world of Sex and Sexuality is a vast and incomprehensibly interesting universe.
Likes, dislikes, fantasies, cultures, subcultures, fetishes, sexual orientations, and preferences, as well as the lack-there-of of all of the above and so so much more, make it one of the most eclectic topics in modern (and historical) culture.

It's not particularly often that I bring up subjects of fetishes, fantasies, or subcultures of sex. They tend to be complicated and take quite a bit of work to explain. But today, I'm taking a stab (haha) at one of my favorite fetishes/subcultures: BDSM.

For starters, BDSM stands for several things, depending on who you're asking. Respectively, it stands for some variation of Bondage and Discipline/Domination and Submission/Sadism and Masochism.

So lets break down the very very basic basics of what these each stand for.
Bondage: Being tied up. That's the down and dirty basic. Bondage as in Bonds. Being tied up, cuffed, roped, whatever.
Discipline: Being spanked. This is ...well...being disciplined.
Domination: Being on top. This is essentially dominating your partner in one way or another, whoever that may be.
Submission: Being on bottom. This is typically submitting to your partner. Enduring pain, bondage, humiliation, and all sorts of strange offenses that normally be horrid.
Sadism: Slapping and enjoying it. Based on the legendary Marquis De Sade, this is gaining pleasure from giving pain (whether that be physical of mental).
Masochism: Being slapped and enjoying it. The opposite of sadism, masochism is gaining pleasure from receiving pain.

Now, these things get a lot more complicated, and are defined and carried out in a million different ways by a million different people. Yes, I said a million. Its really millions. These pleasures are far more common than you think.
Think about it. What turns you on? Nibbling on each others lips? Nails down your back? Little extra roughness during sex?
These little things are little degrees of bondage, masochism, and domination.
There are, of course, many people who those things aren't enough for.

I've always had a quaint fascination with the BDSM world. My particular niche is the idea of being owned. Tied up, collared, punished, and, most of all, taken care of.

I recently bought a pair of fur lined leather wrist cuffs (not hand cuffs; I can't stand fuzzy handcuffs), and I adore them. Coal (my bf, W, in case I haven't mentioned the name change yet) puts them on me every morning, and takes them off every night. I'm only allowed to take them off for work and modeling (and cleaning or showering). It took a while for him to grasp what it was I wanted with all of this, but little by little he's understanding my want (and need) to be taken care of, almost as if I were a pet.

I'm sure it seems odd, but to me, seeing him put on the cuffs makes me feel owned in a way that lets me feel protected, wanted, and loved. Once in a while he bathes me, or dresses me, or other simple tasks, and when he asks me to do something, I do it (9 times out of 10 anyway...).
It isn't like I can't take care of myself (hell, he can barely take care of himself, I'm better at it), it's just this sweet, sensual feeling I get from being taken care of. And occasionally from small levels of inflicted pain.

This is a very simple, very basic form of a Dominance/Submission relationship. I'd like it to grow into more in the future, but right now we're taking little steps.

But there are so many higher, more complicated, more dangerous levels of BDSM. From knife play and hot wax to flogging and whipping, to suspension and chains, to asphyxiation, humiliation, and nipple clamps, to so so so much more. There are so many fetishes, subcultures, and ways to "play" that you'd be hard put to actually name most of them.

In the future I hope to eventually talk more about the culture and subcultures of BDSM, but for now I just wanted to give you this basic introduction, and introduce my new (and first) Guest Writer.

My friend Kay just started taking "classes" in Submission. She just started, but so far her experiences have been interesting, and her appreciation seems genuine. She recently started a Blog to journal her thoughts, sessions, and overall journey in this little area of the sexual world, so I invited her to post some of her writings here in Sin's Secret as a sort of weekly guest entry.

My hope is that this will do several things. One, is give Sin's Secret some more varied content, which I think is important, and a new, outside voice. Two, is give an inside view into something that most people aren't familiar with, so that maybe some of you readers might find something new to learn, create an understanding of, and maybe even try out some time ;-). Three, is to add a bit of spice in here. I know that now and then my posts can be pretty dull, and occasionally talk about some dull topics. This Guest Writer would mean that there'd be something strange, new, and interesting every week or so for readers to follow and enjoy.

So, the next post up will be Kay's initial introduction piece, to start her off.

Until next time!
<3
Sin

Bunny Ears are the Best Ears

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Because I am a Lazy Bitch...

Okay, so here's the deal.
I haven't made a post in at LEAST two weeks, and I'm really really sorry.

Not like any of you really care if I make a post today, tomorrow, or next month, but whatever. I should be more responsible and quit being lazy and write my stuff. I just should.

I have nothing to talk about tonight, so here's the deal. I'm just here to let you know that I am still alive and haven't forgotten about my little blip of the inter-webs.

*I finally got my Eden Fantasy's assignment toy last week, and am currently working on the review for it. It's my first authorized free-toy review, so I want it to be awesome. I'll let you know when that's up and give you a different spin on it.

*I haven't read any good sex books lately, mostly because I'm just sort of sexed out. I still love to talk about it, give advice, and learn about it, but reading about it takes too much damned effort.
I'm currently reading the fourth book in the fictional series Kushiel's Legacy, which is a series with a lot of sex in it (and its just plain fucking awesome), but no new memoirs or instructional books at the moment. Money's hopefully going to be better this semester, so maybe that'll change soon enough. A book on sensual massage would be good. Right?

*I haven't had a Position up in for-fucking-ever, so I'll try to get one up within the next two weeks. Summer's just been really really weird and busy and miserable, but maybe the fall will bring back a little bit of my libido.

*Did I ever mention that I think I figured out my orgasm problem? Well, I think I did. It's a little bit of a biological, physical mishap, and I'm hoping a good GYN will help me fix it. More on that another time.

*I'm currently looking for Guest Bloggers for Sin's Secret. With how busy I'm going to be this semester, I'd love to have a couple guests put in some input. Whether it's my wonderful fellow bloggers that I love so much, or just a reader who has something he/she feels should be included. It could be a full article or whatever you'd like. Just email me (sinsekret@gmail.com) and let me know if you're interested. We can work something out.

I think that's all for now, really. Should have the Toy Review up on Wednesday, and have more news and interesting stuff up by the weekend.

<3
Sin

"Anal Ultimatum" Advice Piece

I've been married for just over a month and my husband told me yesterday he doesn't want to have sex with me. We've struggled in the past with getting on the same page sexually, but had been doing well (I thought) thanks to a very romantic honeymoon until about a week ago. We didn't have sex all this week, any time I tried to initiate it he said he had to do something or was tired and just wanted to snuggle, etc. Yesterday he finally told me he has no desire to have sex with me right now. Basically, he's bored with me and has said that anal sex is a deal breaker in our marriage. We have tried anal on many occasions and maybe once or twice it has felt bearable- not GOOD, just not painful to the point where I could tolerate it. I love him and want to make him happy, but me "tolerating" it isn't good enough for him. He wants me to enjoy it and ask for it.
Since we started dating, my husband has tried to encourage me to be more sexually adventurous. I have tried many things that were once outside my comfort zone...some I like, but some I haven't learned to. He was previously married (his wife passed away) and I know they were much more compatible sexually than he and I are, though he says the two of us are more compatible in many other ways. I know he and previous wife went to sex clubs and he wants me to go to one as well...but I'm not comfortable being naked in public or the possibility of having threesome or sex with strangers. I appreciate the fantasy of the idea, but in reality I think it would lead to jealousy and confusion in our realtionship. Despite this, I've suggested that he seek anal sex with another partner because I really want him to be satisfied and have his needs met but he always says he wants to have it with me.
He was aware of all my reservations before we got married, before we got engaged and before we even got serious. His lack of desire and frustration with me makes me feel undesirable and makes me less interested in sex. I also feel like I'll never live up to his previous wife and that he'll always long for the sex life that they shared.
Please cheer me up! I can't talk to any of my friends because I don't want them to know we're having trouble.
~Sad Newlywed

Hey there.

This might sound a little harsh, but it sounds to me like marriage might not have been a great idea for you two. It's not just the sex incompatibility, but more his blatant disrespect for your wants, needs, and likes/dislikes.

I can understand you not wanting to have anal. Its strange, uncomfortable, sometimes painful, and typically only pleasurable for women if it's what they're into. Obviously it's not your thing. He should understand that and respect it and not continue to try to get you to do it.

The fact that him and his wife were compatible and sexually adventurous is great, but he should NOT hold you to the same standards, especially if he knew your opinions before hand.
"W" and I have talked about having a threesome with another woman (because i want to) but he's really uncomfortable with the idea. And while I will probably continue to bring it up for a while, once he makes a decision that he doesn't want to do it than that's it; we just wont do it.
If you're not comfortable with it than you shouldn't be pressured into doing it.

A person who loves, cares for, and respects you will NOT push you into doing something once you've said I'm Not Comfortable or I Don't Like It or I Don't Want To, and that's that.

I will always encourage people to branch out and try new things in their sex lives. But you have to start small, you have to go slow, and everyone has their limits. He's expecting you to do things with him that it probably took time and communication with his old wife to jump into and get used to, without you having the same adjust time as him.

My only real usable advice it to try to get through with him. Tell him what this denial and pressure makes you feel. If he doesn't acknowledge it, let off, or apologize sincerely, you know there's something wrong with the whole thing.

It would really suck to separate after being married for such a short time, but from the way your story sounds it seems like one day that might happen either way. Not because he doesn't want to have sex with you, but because of his disrespect for your wants and the way you're feeling about it. If this is starting so soon, and you're already being hurt (emotionally) by his actions and feeling sexually and emotionally frustrated, imagine what it'll be like in another year or two or five.

The best thing to try here is communication. Be open, honest, and determined!
He has to know that this is important to you and you will not let up (and make sure not to). You don't want to only do anal (if at all), you're not ready for sex clubs or swinging, and you need sexual satisfaction just as much as he does.

It may not seem like it now and then, but these are important stands that you have to make. If he won't back down off his high horse, it might mean you should start thinking about more drastic measures.

Good luck.
Be strong.
Stay safe.
<3
Sin

"Breaking up is hard to do..." An Advice Piece

I slept with my ex cause I felt lonely and depressed. and I broke down halfway while having sex.
I'd just like to know
What would he be thinking about.. Cause he's not replying my messages. Would he be ok? He's a typical guy, doesn't really know what to do when a girl cries.
and
What can I do to help myself. I'm in pretty bad shape.
I was just hoping that you might've been in this situation before. Could you help me out?

Alexis-Marie

Hey there Alexis. You picked the right day to ask me this. I've been there, I am there, and I'm there with you all the way.
Breakups are miserable, especially the ones you just can't seem to get over.

Lets start with what you said happened.
Somehow you got your ex into bed (or vice-versa), and halfway through you broke down. I assume this is because you miss him so much, or in general your still broken up about the whole thing.

So, first off, how did he react initially? Did he stop? Ask what was wrong? Console you? Or did he stop and leave you alone? Or even not stop at all? Did he even notice?
The answer to that is the start of your answer on what he's thinking (which is hard to answer since it's practically impossible to really know). If he didn't stop, or at least try to make you feel better, it's likely he really is done with you. If he tried to make you feel better, at least you know he still has a kind feelings towards you.

But maybe you freaked him out a little, I mean, you did start crying. If you didn't (or maybe even if you did) tell him why, who knows what he might be thinking, he's the only one who could really tell you.
Maybe a good idea (if he's not answering your phone calls or messages) is to just apologize without a response. Send him an email and say your sorry if you freaked him out, you've just been going through a lot of shit and you broke down. Tell him you'd like to know how he feels and what he's thinking, but that he doesn't have to reply if he doesn't want to. Then that's about all you can do. You can't force him to talk to you.


Then there's the hard part. Getting over an ex is practically never ever easy. Especially if they broke up with you during an intense relationship. First and most importantly you have to stop thinking about him. This could be the hardest part of absolutely anything, but it's only the start. Here are a few steps you can try.

*Do you ever make up situations in your head about running into him somewhere, him calling or coming to find you? Just imaginary fantasies about the two of you? If you do, STOP. I do this all the time and after a while it becomes a habit. Whenever you find yourself doing it, focus on something else. It's very important. If they're sexual fantasies, you should stop them too. In the future you can use him to fantasize again, but for now you can't. If you continue to think about or hope to see him, you'll never be able to get him out of your head.

*Stop calling, texting, communicating with him, as well as looking at his online pages (facebook, myspace, blogs, whatever). Even if you're still friends or whatever, resist the urge to contact him or look up his stuff. Just for now.

*Make sure you've thrown away all the useless sentimental items he gave you. I don't mean jewelry, books, or cookware, but the fake flowers, stuffed animals, and the little things like pictures that make you think of him, but don't really need to be in your home/room. (This can include ripping them to pieces or burning them-but be careful)

*Start a new project. Whether it's a story, or a painting, a new recipe book or a website, start something new that will take time and occupy your mind for a while. This will keep your mind off of him and give you the feeling of being busy, productive and useful. After my worst breakup I started an Altered Book to vent my misery and then eventually get over it.

*Get active. Whether its working out at a gym or dancing in front of the TV to the music channels, do something that keeps you energized and away from sulking miserably in a corner. Being physically active can keep those woeful feelings at bay.

*Accept what happened and start again. This is a step that can take time (and money) but is best done as soon as you think you're ready.
-Go out and buy a new bath set. Something inexpensive, but really nice, with bath salts, scented soap, oils, a candle or two, body scrub, a loofa, whatever. Maybe even some semi-expensive chocolates.
-When you're ready, have a good cry. I mean a good, long "I'll never love anyone as much as him and how could he hurt me so much and I hate myself and will never recover" cry. Even if it means taking one last look at those memory-inducing pictures and hugging that stuffed animal he got you at the fair/coin machine. Really; you deserve it. Cry until you can't cry anymore, just don't wake the neighbors.
-Think about what happened, what went wrong. Accept that you're hurt and you hate him for it, but then accept that it is over and there's nothing you can do about it. Accept that it will take time to fully heal. Also think about the fact that if he hurt you like this now, he'd probably do it again, so you probably wouldn't really want him back, right? You might want to cry some more after this.

-Now, go take a bath. A nice warm bath with salts, oils, loofas, chocolate, whatever! Anything you want. Turn the lights low, if you can, and wash yourself completely. Scrub everywhere gently but accurately. Imagine that you are washing away the pain. The hurtful parts of your past. Washing away the negative thoughts of him and your past. Try your best not to cry during this, but don't hold it in if you really have to. If you do cry, imagine your tears are your love, being washed away like everything else.
This might sound a bit weird and "New-Agey", but there's no reason why you shouldn't give it a try. The time after a breakup is a very emotional time, and this step is simply an attempt at controlling some of those emotions. It might not help completely but, in my experience, it can help a lot; it's a new beginning.

-Once your done, dry off completely and put on something soft and comfortable. Not silky or sexy; we want romance out of the brain. Now do something quiet, soothing, or productive. Read a brand new book that has nothing to do with romance, sex, or your past. Cook something simple and light. Have a cup of tea (not coffee unless its decaf) or hot chocolate and watch something new. Meditate. Or just go to sleep. This should be a time for you to do something by yourself for yourself. Sleep and let the night help you forget for a little while.

*Finally, GO OUT! When you're ready, going out with friends is one of the most important things you can do. Go to a new restaurant, a club, a bowling alley, amusement park, the beach, anything! Just get out of the house and do something fun and active and with someone that cares about you. (Under no circumstances are you to go out with your ex! Nor going somewhere where he'll be, at least not for a few more months
While you're out, SMILE! Laugh, flirt, dance, jump up and down, do everything that keeps your heart light and pleasant and re-energizes your mind and body.


That's all for now, I hope I helped in some way.
Good luck to you, don't hesitate to ask anything else.

Be safe, be happy
~Sin


Related Posts: Advice To an Over-Blow-jobbed Wife, "You Want to Take a Hot Bath, He Wants To Jack Off...", Sexy Lady Advice

Entitled to Sex? or "Fuck Him"; An Unorganized Bit of Theory on Female Evolution

Our society has somehow created a male mentality that they are entitled to sex. That they need it, deserve it, and shouldn't be denied it.

In high school boys only want girls if they'll put out. Once they do, they're used, dirty, slutty. Yet if they don't, they're prudish, teasing bitches. This trend doesn't really end after high school, it just goes on in different ways.

Case in point, my friend G recently tossed a guy who, after less than a few weeks, called her a cunt because she wouldn't have sex with him.

I'm not exactly what you'd call a raging feminist, but there are parts of our society that you can't deny, including the superiority men have had throughout most of our "civilized" history.

One of the worst products of that superiority, it seems to me, is the male viewpoint that sex is their right. I have no idea how this really came about, but it is one of the top things I blame for high incidences of rape as well as the Madonna-Whore idea, and women's inability to be sexually equal to men.

We have created every aspect of male mentality. Every sexual thing men think, we as a society have put there. We've taught men that they should be hunters. Why? More than likely, any primal society would have had both men and women hunters because everyone would have had to be put to work. Yet this mentality that men have to be in control is still there, because our past societies have put it there. Then there's the idea that men NEED sex, we put it there! Men don't need sex any more than women do, but we've given them this huge gap of logic when it comes to this area. Why?

There's no denying that women have different sex drives than men nowadays, but maybe that's society's fault too?

Perhaps women have been dealt the low hand in evolution. Maybe once upon a time women were as sexually active as any man standing next to them, because they got the same strong, evident urges as men do now, and were pleasured just as easily, were considered just as sexual.

When the more dominant patriarchal societies came along, and got more and more powerful, our sexuality became less needed. Over time as women were more and more often considered sexual objects instead of sexual beings (even, and especially, in religiously dominated societies such as the Christian Europe and Muslim Middle East), we had less and less use of our sexual pleasures, and evolution gave up on us.
While men continued to grow sexually, women were stunted. Sexual pleasure was no longer a value to women, it was a deformity, it became a liability and Mother Nature said "Well, if you don't want it..." and now women (while we still have sex, want it, and enjoy it) just aren't to par with male sexuality.
Part of that is in our mentality, yes, just like mens sexuality has been warped with myths about needed and deserving sex, ours has been tainted with thoughts of immorality and romance over sexuality. But that mental stunting wouldn't change so much of our physical inadequacies, would it?

Think I'm wrong about the inequality?
It could take a woman up to an hour to have a single orgasm, and not even through intercourse, while it takes most men ten minutes. I'm not saying the ridiculous stereotypes of women not needing or enjoying sex like men do are true, but there is a definite unbalance between the two which I think wasn't always there.

No matter how much we strive to own our sexuality. To love our bodies and take hold of our own orgasms, we've still been dealt the short stick.

FYI, we made 1327 hits in June!

Position of the Week $

Currently Watching: The Secretary :: Starring Maggie Gyllenhaal & James Spader

This weeks position is: "The Rising"
Also called Right Angle Position, The Yawning.

In movies and porn you often see couples going at it in something like missionary, but with the womans legs against the guys chest, her high-heeled feet dangling behind his back. This is something like that, but just a little bit more complex.

Directions:
Here the woman lies on her back, the man standing on his knees in front of her. He grips her legs and she supports herself with her hands above/behind her on the bed or headboard as he lifts her legs up and rests them against his body, her ankles on either side of his head. The woman now should have her hips off the bed/ground, and both her legs firmly against the mans body, with their pelvises in line with each other. The guy can hold her legs either at the ankle, knees, or thighs, but preferably her hips while her legs rest inside his elbows, and he penetrates in this position. Traditionally, he should move in "slow circular motions" while she stays still.

So lets talk about this one, one gender at a time.

Guys: You're probably going to love this. Probably. Despite the work it takes to get everything situated, the depth of insertion here (according to W) is fantastic. The womans vagina is shortened a little bit, so your penis goes all the way in, and completely "fills" her.
There's little effort on your part really, except for the fact that your standing on your knees, which can get tiring after a while. And here you have almost total control over speed, pressure, and depth.
"It was hard to keep a grip, but the angle of penetration was...nice. It felt good. It felt open." -W


Ladies: You...might like this. If you have decently strong abs, don't get tired too easily, and don't mind your legs falling asleep halfway through, sure.
The angle isn't uncomfortable once you get used to it, it's just a bit odd the first time, so comfort isn't a really a problem here. Except for your legs... But if you're really into it, my negative comments can be thrown to the wind, because all this one really takes is practice.
The angle does give lots of space for a decent view, or for a vibrator to slip in and give you an extra boost when wanted.
I bet this also burns twice as many calories than regular missionary, simply because of how your fighting to keep up your hips. A great ab workout. Mix that with the good vibrator area, and you've got yourself a pleasurable-and productive- time. ^-^
Although you should definitely skip this one if you have neck or back problems.


I have to say that this is one worth trying, at least, especially if your willing to do the practice ("make research", as W says quite often). I only tried it once, and only for a little while, and because I definitely don't have the abs to hold myself up like that, my personal discomfort shouldn't deter you from at least trying it next time you hop into bed. If you're looking for something new and interesting, this should be on your list.

The angle and depth alone make it worth trying, if only for the guy, and if your the adventurous type, it's pretty cool just to be able to say "Yeah, I did that one". So I say give it a shot.


Tried it? Loved it? Hated it? Found one better? Let me know! Email me at Sinsekret@gmail.com or AIM me under SinSekret.

Sorry no erotica this time, but I've got the next one almost done (already!), and there is a short story, and it's by W, so it's something different.
By the way, we've hit over 1,000 hits so far this month! Fucking awesome!!!

Related Posts: PotW #-Reverse Cowgirl, PotW @-Doggy Style , PotW !- Lotus,

Advice to an Over-Blow-Jobed Wife.

Currently Reading: Sleeping Around: Secrets of a Sexual Adventuress by Catherine Townsend


Sorry I have been soooo crazy slack, but I've been on vacation, and just forgot to say I'd be gone. I'm heading home soon, but till then here's something quick and easy.

I was recently invited to give advice on the sex part of a forum, Ask Dan and Jennifer. I've answered a few so far, and I think they've been pretty good questions (and pretty good answers on my part ^^').

So here's the most recent question and reply. Enjoy ^-^

Husband prefers blowjobs, please help!

---

Since I had my baby a year ago our sex life seems to have gone down hill. Which yes I can understand why. It used to be twice a day, now it's a few times a week.

However, my problem is my husband seems to prefer a blowjob to sex. I have said when it's that time of the month I don't mind doing it for the week, everyday if he wants!
But for the other 3 weeks I want sex, yes blowjobs included but not all the way.
This afternoon he made it clear he wanted a blowjob, I started and then stopped because I could see it was all he wanted. He was disappointed and nothing else happened, no sex or anything.

We have talked about this loads of times and I actually thought he understood how crap it makes me feel.

Oh its great, knowing your husband wants a blowjob but not sex with you. It's not even like I get anything after or during giving him one.

I am so sexually frustrated. It just seems to be either a blowjob for him or a blowjob leading to sex (a quickie) I might add.

The problem is it has gone that far now I don't even come onto him because I feel he doesn't want me. Like I said, I have spoke to him about it and he says yes I understand I am sorry, it will be different.

We used to always watch porn together and I miss it, but there is no way I could watch it now because I feel so low about myself.

Advice please?
~Heaven

Hey there Heaven.

It's seems quite common that guys don't think in a balanced way when it comes to sex. Especially oral sex.

Going in a similar yet opposite direction of the post before me, his reciprocation is a good idea, but why not make a deal with it? You said you're sexually frustrated, why not make a bargain where you'll give him oral if he gives you oral. And if he's all up for that, but he is only half-hearted and you're still left unsatisfied, make it a deal where you'll give him a blow job every time he makes you orgasm. It doesn't matter if he likes it or not; I doubt you like doing it to him all that much either.

And while usually I don't condone trading sex for power, if oral sex isn't your thing, and he's really stuck on blowjobs, try exchanging your sexual favors for housework. Sounds a little odd, but you just had a baby, and I'm sure your list of chores and responsibilities has doubled and his hasn't changed all that much. So, for every time he makes the family dinner, mows the lawn, cleans the kitchen/bathroom, or does the groceries (perfectly), he gets a blowjob. Not right away, but when the time is right.

And if you don't like the idea of bargaining on this, than try more communication. You said he promises to change, but it seems he hasn't, so try simply restricting him. Be honest that you don't like doing it all the time (if ever), and tell him that until you are no longer sexually frustrated, you don't want to do it. Or that you can only give him oral for every time you have successful sex.

Or, just stop doing it altogether, and let him know that your choosing to stop. That you don't like it, it makes you feel bad/degraded, and that when you feel like it (or he deserves it), maybe it can happen again.

I know these sound...harsh, but you seem desperate in a way. Guys can be selfish about their sexual gratification, and you have to show that your gratification (sexual or otherwise) needs to be acknowledged and satisfied. Especially if you actually don't like giving oral. That doubles the problem. You do it for him, even though you don't like it, so he should at least do it for you, if not something else to please you in some way.

If nothing else, communication and understanding (in this case, understanding on his part), is key.

I wish you luck, I hope things work out.

<3
~Sin

Position of the Week #

Currently Reading: The Little Bit Naughty Book of Kama Sutra Positions (Little Bit Naughty Book Of...) by

This week, lets do a simple one especially for the guys out there.

Reverse Cowgirl

This is a variation of the Cowgirl position, which essentially is just the woman on top. The Cowgirl allows the man to relax more and enjoy the ride while the woman is able to control the speed, thrusting, etc to her own comfort.
The Reverse Cowgirl offers these same benefits, plus a few others, and many variations (hence all the pictures). Let's talk about them all.

We'd only been in our first position for a few minutes before he sat up, pulling me with him, and lifted my body above his.

"Turn around" he growled, laying out and placing me over his hips. I did as he said, straddling him, and found myself facing the wall, his legs sprawled out in front of me and him entering me from underneath. I wasn't sure what to do but began to move slowly, teasingly slow.

My hips rocked forward gently, raising ever so slightly to pull myself away from him, only to thrust back quick but careful. I could hear his moans behind me as I moved. I leaned forward and was met with a harsh, pleasured groan as the angle of his entrance changed and my inner muscles clenched around him. I grabbed hold of his knees, rough and dry from earlier activities on the floor, and thrust myself harder against him.

His nails found the skin of my thighs, digging into the flesh, making my back arch and my breath catch in my throat. He grabbed me by that flesh and lifted me, then slammed be back down, thrusting himself harder and harder inside me. The sensation was sharp and wonderful, spreading from that center within, up through my pelvis and stomach, making my mind whirl and my thoughts loose focus.

I rocked my hips, harder, faster, matching his movements, driven by his erotic cries. Deeper, fuller, rougher, stronger. I found myself dancing above him to a chorus of him moaning my name.
-Sin Secret

First, as I said, this position lets the man sit back and enjoy the show. Basic positions like Missionary, Doggy Style, etc, typically have the man "in charge", with more control. While this can be great most of the time because the guy gets to kind of do whatever he wants, I'm sure it can get tiring, always doing the most work. This position allows him the chance to not have to do any work, and just be able to enjoy the sex. Supposedly it can even prolong the man's erection.

Second, this allows the woman a "seat of power" throughout the act. She can control how fast you go, the angle of entry, and how deep the thrust is. It is also said that the right angle here can hit the G-spot just right.

A quick note to you potential reverse cowgirls; make sure you give yourself time to adjust to the new position. If you're new to it, you'll have to start slowly so that your vagina and the muscles around it adjust to the new way the penis is entering, otherwise it can be a bit of a pain.

Now, for guys the regular Cowgirl provides a view of the womans thrusting body and bouncing chest. Unfortunately the Reverse doesn't allow that so much. If a mirror is included, it could, and that is quite common, but otherwise the only thing you get a good view of is your partners ass. That can be good or bad depending, but hopefully you like her ass. Either way, it provides a good view for those who are especially attracted to that part of the body. This does give you the thighs to grab on to, which can be very sexy if you or your girl are into nails or tight grips, and the fact that the thighs are within reach means that in extreme bouts of passion, the man can grab the woman and increase the speed or thrust, if he so pleases.
Depending on the size of the two of you, the man may have enough reach to fondle the pubic area/clitoris, or the breasts. This is especially true if the woman leans back, as in the picture to the side. The woman can also lean forward onto the mans bent knees, which can provide her support, a different angle, and a little better control. Also allows the guy more moving room.

It also has to be mentioned to be careful! In this position the penis can end up at an odd angle, which can become very uncomfortable for the guy (and girl), but can also hurt something very very badly. You'd think a penis would be hard to "break", but in certain positions is actually rather easy.
Ever had a girl on top and she went up a little too far and came down a little too fast? Caught the penis somehow and made a scary POP sound? I know I've done that quite a few times with W. It can get a little nerve-wracking, makes us stop and take a breather. If done right (or maybe that should be wrong), that POP can create permanent damage, especially in the Reverse position because you can easily and unconsciously bend the penis too far back. So watch yourself.
I assume this can also be used for anal sex, but would carry similar warning signs. Mixing the awkward position with the fragility of the anal tissues could be worrisome. But I'm sure it can be done. I'll have to ask someone about that...

Personally, I haven't tried this one in quite a while, because lately I've been sticking to some tried and true favorites, more than branching out to different ones. But occasionally I enjoy being on top, and this one is one I sometimes choose. Although, (to me) seems a bit less awkward than the Cowgirl because you're not facing your partner, but also a bit more awkward because you're facing the guys toes instead.

But really, it depends what you're into. This is definitely liked, because it's in porn all the time, and it's no wonder when you get to see the girl bouncing, moaning, and writhing above you (or whoever you're watching).

That's all for today!
Play safe!

Related Posts: Position O/T Week !, Position O/T Week @, Does God Really Kill Kittens?

*Disclaimer* All written work here (and anywhere on my site) is by me and is my property, unless otherwise stated. On the flip side, all artwork is not mine and is found in various places around the internet and not mine to claim, unless otherwise stated.