Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Losing My Virginity @ 21 - An Advice Piece

I'm 21 and still a virgin. My girlfriend (also a virgin) and I have been talking about having sex for the first time. What pointers could you give so that her first time can be an enjoyable one?

Most of all, I think making her comfortable and letting her know that you want her to enjoy everything is the biggest issue. Here are a few ways I'd suggest going about that.

1. Make a day of it. Spend the whole day doing things you both enjoy. Having sex when you're happy is a whole lot better (and easier) when you've had a day full of delight than a day full of everyday stresses. Go out to a simple dinner, see a movie with actors that you both like (nothing depressing, of course), or maybe do something fun and active like hiking, ice skating, or swimming (you can start the foreplay with a shower together). The physical ones are good because they get your heart pumping and your body moving (as well as releasing endorphins) which help get you in the mood.

These are all really optional though. If you just want to surprise her with a box of Thai take-out (don't opt for crappy Chinese-unless it's her favorite food- get something at least a little exotic), hot chocolate, and a DVD, go for that too. Some girls would even be happy with you just showing up with a bottle of wine and some roses.
It's whatever you feel would be the right beginning to your first night.

2. Take your time. You're both moving into uncharted territory, so move slowly and make sure you're communicating fully. Spend lots of time with foreplay to be sure that you're both completely ready to go (and go through with it). Don't just jump on her with the sudden need to go at it.
And remember, if you get half-way through foreplay and one of you decides its not quite the right time, don't worry about; it'll happen eventually.

3. Be prepared. Have everything you might need for the night. Excluding the every day needs of a romantic evening (bubble bath, champagne, candles, dinner, whatever), don't forget the sexual necessities; condoms (of course), lubricants (this is her first time, after all- lube is a must), maybe even a small, affordable vibrator just to be sure she has a total happy ending.

Most of all, communicate. Make sure this is what you both want and the time when you want it. If there's a certain place, day, or way that you (or she) wants, make sure to be aware.

Even if you don't just sit around and discuss it, make sure you both know that you can be open and honest about the situation and the things you want and don't want.

Good luck!

Have fun, play safe.


**question originally answered by me on the Ask Dan & Jennifer Forum **


Don't Be a Slut said...

I really appreciate the thoughtfulness of this post.

Advizor said...

I agree with everything here, except one thing, but more on that later.

The idea of taking your time for the first time is rare in American sexuality, where a lot of "1st time" stories involve the back seat of a car, a stolen bedroom, or a couch in Dad's basement.

If you are both ready, and comfortable with the idea, make it slow and enjoyable. Everyone will have a lot more fun.

The only thing that I disagreed with was the vibrator suggestion at the end. If the woman has her own, and is willing to admit it, she should have it handy (maybe do it at her place, so she doesn't have to pack it). If she doesn't have one, either go shopping for one together (fun, funny, and sexy), or just leave it until next time.

Many women are uncomfortable with vibrators and many guys don't like thinking that they can't get their woman to orgasm. Above all, talk about it!!! Maybe the fun, intimacy, and eroticism of the 1st time will be enough for her.

Dreaptha said...

My first time was cliche, in a car. Lucky for me, she was the aggressive one but unfortunately for me I only lasted a few minutes. She gave me oral sex first and I think that stole some minutes from me ;(