Monday, June 9, 2008

A Personal Message...

Currently Reading: Sleeping Around: Secrets of a Sexual Adventuress by Catherine Townsend

Reading the Sexual Memoirs I love so much, I've started feel a bit down. I feel sort of disconnected; like I'm trying to measure up to these writers but inevitably can't.
Not because they know more, or because they're older or more successful, but because of their infamously long "lists".

I, with my total of four sexual partners, cannot compete or compare with a published writer with more than fifty men under her belt. (Why I envy these women in the future post on Casual Sex and Promiscuity.)
And while W and I have talked about and considered considering bringing a third party into our sexual activities, we are both still nervous about the idea. And it's a bit hard to hope for our relationship to succeed when I envy those with more past lovers than me, and wish I were one of them.

I don't feel that quantity of experiences has a dramatic effect on quality of knowledge. I know what I need to know, what I want to know, and I try to know more to help myself and others. But here it doesn't matter what I think, it matters what you, the reader, think. So here I am, asking you myself.

I don't have loads of hilarious sexcapades to share with you, nor sexual wisdom gained over years of trial and error.
What I do have is my ideas. My opinions. My knowledge; gained through limited experience, extensive reading, late night conversations, and occasional research. My body; the way it feels and behaves. My life; the few experiences I have had, as well as those of my closest friends, lovers, and strangers.

I can't always be funny, and I can't always be smart, but I will always try to be both and more.

Do you think that's enough?


Anonymous said...

Well, you could always ask your readers for their experiences. Not only does it make things a little more interactive, but shared knowledge is gained knowledge and gained knowledge is good knowledge. I guess what i'm saying is that a collective crowd will always know more than you and that's not a bad thing if you're trying to help/guide people. It's what everyone else thinks that determines the "quality of knowledge". Now, that will do nothing for your own well being if you think you need to have sex with a lot of people to become more self fulfilled, but in terms of your blog, it would help. Everyone's a teacher and a student until they day they die, don't think that you have to be some kind of master.

Secondly, writing about your self doubt doesn't help. Not only is it bad for the soul, but a lack of confidence in yourself is more than likely to make your readers lose confidence in you too! You need your readers to trust you and your opinions. Even if you don't have infinite wisdom, don't tell everyone that you've got nothing. And it's not that you have to lie, just do the best with what you've got and be confident in that! Remember that it's an advice column, and no one's going to take the advice of someone who questions themselves constantly. So put on your scary face and act like a hero!

You'll be fine.

-A Friend

Anonymous said...

Hi there,
I can relate to you in some ways. I think it is good that you have doubts, all of us have them. I can see that you are human.
It is quality is more important than numbers. Sleeping around just for because you have to do it can leave you scarred. You can get valuable information by reading, talking and experimenting by yourself and a partner who you trust or have a relationship with.
I've slept around and I can say that nothing is better than sex with someone you love. My partner had very few lovers but he is the best lover I ever had, this is the best sex ever!
I what regards to bringing a third person to your bed... mmh, I would think carefully about it. Somethings are better as fantasies. Specially if you are with someone you love, if you are not ready or one wants it more than the other, it can bring a lot of trouble into the relationship. I would love to get a woman in bed with my boyfriend but I think it will be better to keep that a fantasy than acting on it. My boyfriend told me, it was difficult to think of the mechanics of it. What happens afterwards, we all spoon and cuddle?, who has preference? what if one feels left out? what if in that moment one of us becomes jelous? How do you talk about these things? What if one wants to repeat the experience and the other is not that into it?
I would recommend you to watch a movie called Chasing Amy, it touches the subject.
Take care!

Tim said...

I'm in the same inexperienced boat. I'd only had four sex partners before I met my wife. Only two of those were intercourse, the other two oral.

I think that those of us with sparse histories make up for it in vivid and hedonistic fantasy lives. The internet has helped with that.

They say that the best way to learn about something is to teach it to someone else. Maybe the opposite is true. Maybe the best way to educate people about sex is to invite them to watch you learn.